Measure of Transience Part II
by fyrewoode
Summary: Lennie's story continues. She goes on a new solo mission and, of course, gets in more trouble than she realizes.
1. Chapter 1

"It has been told thee, o man, what is good, and what the lord requires of thee: only to do justly, to love mercy, and walk humbly with thy God." Micah 6:8

In a village not far from the ring, there sits an old woman on a street corner. She tells fortunes in exchange for trinkets she will, in turn, sell in another village. The old wife is happy with her existence. She's been a wanderer since her home was destroyed in a culling. Her family was either culled or killed when her home burned down around them. Her right leg still bears the scars.

In wandering, she has witnessed many things in the decades, both wondrous and horrible. Her age is respected and it is no surprise to her when village elders usher her to the Magistrate.

Her hearing is fading so she does not hear the discussion escalating as she nears.

"…rumors of Wraith attacks everywhere! Many will be required to save us! Perhaps our numbers have increased enough these hundred years to require _two guardians_!"

"Peace! No more of it! They are coming." A curtain moves in one of the windows. "She is old and growing weak. She walks slowly and doesn't travel well. Yes, this one will do."

"But…"

"No, Hephaestus. No more talk of two." The curtain falls back into place. "It is terrible enough that we should need one."

The door opens and the woman is led inside. She is welcomed warmly and she knows that they will be generous with shelter and food.

"Good mother, come this way. There is a fire waiting and food will soon be brought."

She is led further into the bowels of the town hall, though a door hidden by a tapestry. She pauses to admire the stitch work depicting the Ancestor's return and the demise of the Wraith.

In this hidden room, there sits a large chest on a dias. Great tomes of scrolls lay in cradles. In the center of this room is a pole rooted in the very foundation of the building. This place is the only remnant of the previous civilization and the oldest part of the village. Each time the building is destroyed, this one place remains hidden.

The woman looks around in confusion for the only fire burning is a bowl of fragrant embers before the ark. "Why have we come here? What is this?"

The magistrate says no more as the old woman is bound to the pole. She protests but all are deaf to her cries as they leave the room. "What is the meaning of this? What are you doing?"

Alone with the woman, the magistrate cups one hand over the dome of the ark and presses a sequence of symbols. Once finished, he raises his hands and closes his eyes.

"This I now do, I do for the good of all. May the Ancestors help us."

Keeping his eyes fearfully shut, he opens the ark, flooding the old hag in a brilliant light. She gasps and mumbles. He knows it is finished only when she gasps softly:

"I believe…"


	2. Chapter 2

Sheppard leaned back dangerously far in his seat as he raked fingers through his hair.

"I'm not comfortable with this." He looked across the table. "I told Woolsey that when he brought this up. But he insists it's in your contract."

Lennah Colare sat with her legs crossed as she listened. A hand hid her smile. She cleared he throat and shifted in her seat when she felt confident her poker face was in place. "I understand completely, John. It's prudent. If you and Woolsey think that it bears further scrutiny, I am completely in agreement."

It took absolute concentration to hide the fact that she was ecstatic.

"Well, I don't. The Genii were a one-time deal. Even McKay says the possibility is remote."

Lennah let his statement go unanswered. She was too close to begging him to reply.

"But, the point is…" He looked at her carefully. Trying to gauge, wondering, if she was up to the task ahead. "Colare… that you are _requested_ to go on a solo mission to P39-427 to ascertain whether or not the villagers are hiding secret tunnels and nuclear labs in the basement. Zero interaction. You stay out of sight."

Colare sighed and rolled her eyes like a champion. "Very well, sir." She held her breath and counted three 'steamboats' as she looked Sheppard squarely in the eyes. "I accept."

John tapped his pen on the desk and slowly started nodding. "Okay then. Be ready to head out at 1700 hours."

Colare stood and offered her hand to her boss, her friend, and the BDU she equated with her late father. John took the hand and gave it a jerk.

"You be careful out there, Colare." He spoke softly and squeezed her hand before releasing it. "Now that that's over, let's go see the others."

Lennah nodded and leaded the way to the cafeteria with a secret smile.

Teyla knew Lennah's answer as soon as they walked into the cafeteria. She tried to keep her diplomatic pleasure from slipping into a beaming grin. McKay gave her a little nod and a smile. Ronon looked up only once she'd been seated. His smirk was as hard to read as ever.

Lennah felt that his smug attitude was because he thought she'd come running home after a day. _The hell I will._ No one was openly critical of her previous failure to come home safely. No one voiced any doubts. If anyone felt that she couldn't handle herself, they all kept quiet.

_In public, at least._ In private, it was a different story. And Lennah was sick to death with it.

Sure Ronon kicked her ass every time they sparred but few villagers matched his caliber. Teyla let her win now and then just to be sure that Lennah wouldn't loose all confidence. John felt her weapons skills were 'minimal' and her grappling expertise 'negligible value in the field'. McKay had run the probabilities for the betting pool, himself. Even Dr. Jennifer "Kidnapped in the Forest" Keller insisted that she pass First Aid every quarter.

It was as though they all stood to one side, looking over at her and shaking their heads.

_Third time's the charm, guys._ "Anyone save me some jello?"

* * *

As far as anyone's definition of missions went, it was boring. A complete bust.

Lennah was disappointed. _Hours of careful observation, sleepless nights, and don't get me started on the blisters._ There was nothing: some typical carvings on the cave walls where the village hid during cullings, the odd drunk, and some miserly traders.

They were all just very jumpy. Colare picked a farming couple and listened to their evening conversation outside their kitchen window. Nothing out of the ordinary there. She moved to leave and a twig snapped under her.

"Is that her?" the terrified wife panicked. Lennah cocked her head at that. _Who's 'her'?_

"Darling, you know I have no idea and I can't very well go out an check can I?" her husband soothed.

"No, no, don't do that. Just, just hold me, my love." Floorboards creaked inside.

The husband hummed and sighed as they swayed together. Lennah listened to the music of man and wood until they whispered their way into bed. She sat looking at the stars from a lowly kitchen garden a while longer into the night and felt so horribly alone.

The next day Lennah was watching the family from the woods when she came across some fresh tracks leading up into the caves. She knew it was none of the villagers because they never strayed out of each other's sight.

She rocked back on her heels and looked up at the girls playing in the garden. It was two hours and counting until she had to be at the gate to check in. The hike up the mountainside was three. _This is the point when you either call it in or scope it out some more. What are you going to do, Colare?_

Lennah looked down at the uneven footprints. _Can't be very fast, won't get far, maybe not even a threat._

A shriek broke the laughter and song of the afternoon. Father came running, children ran into the house, and Mother wept over the empty cradle.


	3. Chapter 3

_The baby. They took the baby. A little boy. _ Colare was off down the path as the husband tried to console his bereaved wife, weeping himself. It seemed odd to her that no cry for help was raised to the village. No calls for a search party to be gathered. But she rushed on, careful of the fresh tracks and praying her novice eyes didn't loose them.

It was hard, slow work for Lennah and she berated herself. _Ronon would have reached the caves by now._ She doubled back twice when she lost the trail. The quarry was using the smallest of game trails and they branched often.

Somehow, she made it to the top of the ridge. Lennah spun as she looked in every direction. Rocks and shale hid any marks. _Where the HELL?_

And then she heard it. A soft mewling to her left. Lennah could make out the form of someone through the trees. She crouched closer and made her way through the sparse cover. There was an eerie feel to the place.

"What are you doing, grandma?" Lennah asked in a whisper as the old woman paced back and forth.

She was talking, in the loosest definition of the term, to the baby. She scolded the boy as he chatted away. _Barely six months old and he's already trying to talk his way out of trouble. _Lennah smiled.

Grandma reached a fever pitch in her hysterical rant and she laid the baby out on a flat stone out of Lennah's view. The woman was screaming now and she didn't hear Lennah step out behind her.

But Lennah saw the blade as the crone raised it to the sky and Lennah heard the baby cry.

And then, with a crack… it was over. Birds were silent and the wind moved gingerly through the trees. All the world was still from so high up. Nothing moved.

Then a bloodcurdling squeal cut loose from a healthy set of infant lungs.

"Aw, hell!" Lennah cursed. "What do I know about babies?"

It was hard enough tying up El Pollo Loco while listening to the baby squall. It was hard to bear when she realized he was tied to the rock. Lennah picked him up and realized she didn't have a spare diaper on her.

It had been four hours since he'd been kidnapped and he was sure to be hungry. All Lennah had was some MREs and she was fairly certain that the highly concentrated food would be murder to the kid's digestive system. He was probably still on the teat.

"Sorry, lil' man." Lennah shook her head. "That's not an option."

It occurred to Lennah that the old woman might not be alone in this little scheme so she got to work quieting him down. _Cut up one shirt and, voila, a diaper! _ She twisted a bit of chocolate in her bandana and dipped it in water.

"Come on, come on. Take it." She rubbed it over his lips and he stopped bawling. "There we go. Good thing you don't have teeth yet." The child looked up at her, still teary-eyed, with a raised eyebrow and a furrowed brow. "Cavities are hell."

She left a locator beacon with Granny so she could find the place again and set out down the mountain, singing Disney songs to the fussy baby.

"Colare, come in?" Lennah's radio crackled to life. She scrambled for it before Sheppard could wake the baby. "Lennah do you copy?"

"Take it down a notch, Sheppard, I've got a baby on board!" Lennah hissed at him.

There was a pause. "Did you say 'baby'?"

"Yeah, boss man. Bravo- Alpha-Bravo-Yankee, copy? Chubby pink things in diapers."

"Colare, how in the—" There was a break as the guys on the other end conferred. "Never mind that, where are you?"

"I'm headed over to drop the kid off at home. Parents are kinda worried considering their toddler got kidnapped and all. I left a beacon with the culprit. Did you guys bring a Jumper?"

"We're calling for one now."

"Great! Because I'm about ready to pass out." But she still had two hours of hiking through dense cover to go.

* * * *

Laughter dying on her lips, Lennah shifted in her seat before the dull numbness of shock hit. She heard snippets of conversation before everything faded back into a baby's cry.

"This is Sheppard. We're going to need a team out here."

From the cockpit, the whole mountainside could be seen. Nothing could hide the little corpses that littered the south slope.


	4. Chapter 4

Lennah sat at a desk in Steve Connor's office looking at a photo.

Colare and some techs, chief among them was Steve Connor, had set up a photo sharing community on an offshoot of the local information network later dubbed 'Soc-Net' (Social Network). It gave people a chance to play a part in Colare's assignment and quickly grew into public property. The majority of the base was participating. The rest banned 'Big Brother'.

A picture was worth a thousand words, true. But it seemed as though people wanted to misunderstand. Their comments were certainly good for a laugh.

It was a picture taken from lunch a few days back. She had met up with Sheppard to hear about his chat with Woolsey. John and Woolsey were still trying to lay out a plan for dealing with the slave trade. John wanted a military strike to make all of Pegasus aware of their intentions. It was bad enough they were treated like cattle by the Wraith, but to have humans do it to other humans was insult to injury. Teyla was equally ardent about abolition and she listened carefully as she took a seat.

Woolsey felt it was more diplomatic to post notices informing trade centers of a boycott of all peoples known to buy, sell, or keep slaves. He felt that might cause Atlantis enough trouble in the supplies department.

Sheppard fumed as he quoted him. "'Our place in the Pegasus isn't at all as stable as we'd like. At any moment, anything could go wrong. One bad tava bean crop and we're cut off from a majority of merchants, going hungry.' It's not like I want to lock up every slaver in the galaxy tomorrow, I just want to send a very clear message. The man is a pessimistic worrywart and I've had about all I can take of him."

Ronon plopped down next to Sheppard. "What did McKay do now?"

They'd laughed and someone took a picture.

It was no different than any other picture posted on the social net, friends enjoying themselves. But their personal history distinctly set them apart into 'us' and 'them'. Even the separated cells still clustered together to shelter from the scope of public curiosity. The pressure was mounting but it could only be a passing fad. Hiding away in one's room only fanned the flames of speculation. Thankfully, there were a number of people who could have cared less. McKay, Keller, Lorne, Beckett, and Zelenka, to name a few, were always welcome at their table.

Lennah stood and twisted. "I thought I'd be spending more time behind a lens or off-world than on a computer."

Connor shook his head at her. "Dear GOD, Lennie. Aren't you photographers supposed to be able to sit still for hours, waiting for that perfect shot?"

Lennah was upside down when she answered. "That's NatGeo. I'm more… Peter Parker."

"Ah," Steve turned his head to the side in an attempt to comprehend how she was folded over. "That explains a lot."

Lennah tumbled to her feet. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Steve went back to his computer. "Why don't you go see Sheppard about going off-world."

Lennah flopped back in her seat with a huge sigh. "Can't. They just got some down time." She glanced at her watch. _Probably be up soon_. Being on different schedules sucked. Her sleep cycle was all over the place. She'd collapse into bed only to have someone knock on her door saying things like 'morning' and 'breakfast'.

"I'm gonna go get something to eat." Colare waved to Connor and grabbed her coat.

It was very annoying, being noticed. It was essentially a small town and everyone knew what everyone else was doing. There was no escaping it.

Colare sat down and stared out the window. All she had to do was wait.

"We still on for sparring later?" Sheppard inclined his head at Ronon as they descended on her table.

"Yup." Ronon swallowed a shovel of food and pushed Lennah's chair a few inches to annoy her. She didn't especially feel like retaliating. Ronon gave her a questioning glance as he took a seat.

"What about you, Lennah. Any plans?"

She shrugged. "Not really. I was going to hunt down the new rec-center."

Sheppard grimaced. "It's not a 'rec-center'. It's an 'entertainment venue'. A place to get drinks, unwind, and meet people."

"Sorry, I forgot your special words."

He smiled over his coffee. "Who knows, you might even meet somebody, Colare."

She snorted. "You sound like my mother." She counted off her fingers. "Grandchildren, grandchildren, grandchildren."

"I agree with Lennah." Teyla nodded. "She's too young for anything more than casual sexual encounters."

Colare blinked and smiled, choking back a laugh. It would only be funny if she was joking. "Thank you, Teyla." She turned to John. "Did you set an opening date?"

John swallowed and nodded. "Just as soon as we find a place. We're gonna have a party so people know what it's about. The more people that like what's going on, the more they'll contribute."

"Sounds good. I'll go roam around a bit. See if I find anything."

"Don't get lost." Ronon tore into a roll as he shot her the eye. She really wasn't acting herself lately. She was more distracted than usual and hadn't hit him once. Something was going on.

Lennah laughed. "Like I could." She turned to Sheppard. "They're posting pictures of us doing nothing now. Like it's some secret meeting."

"Good going there, by the way." Sheppard waved a finger at her as he chewed. "It's good publicity for the party. We'll get to see what people expect and adapt. I posted a bulletin for location suggestions on the Rec-Roster."

"Not bad for someone with your track record with online socializing."

Sheppard pointed a carrot at her. "Hey. That was only twice and I had no understanding of the term—"

"Hey, guys! What's up?" Rodney stopped at their table and Teyla offered him a seat. "Oh, no, no, that's okay. I'm just her to answer your ad about the new rec-room." Lennah snorted.

Sheppard sent her a quelling look.

"What? What'd I say?" McKay looked around the table.

"Don't worry about it. Colare has the giggles. You say you found us a place?"

Lennah listened to the conversation as she picked off Sheppard's tray. She glanced at Ronon to see he was staring off into space again. Since she'd come back from P39-427, they'd each had their moments of unreachable trances. They'd spent only a few hours there but too many things could happen in such a short amount of time.

Ronon noticed her staring and she smiled, giving his elbow a nudge. He was the one person that didn't bombard her with excess emotions. Their bond was a silent, sometimes violent, camaraderie.

They clustered around the table until Lennah had to sneak off to late evening clean-up. The teams had down time but Atlantis still had to function.

While she wiped down tables and washed dishes, she could melt her brain with some music. She could be as alone as she wanted in the bubble of her ear buds. One minor drawback of thinking you're alone is dancing to something no one else can hear. Jose, one of the cooks, recorded her enjoying a mega-mix complete with yellow gloves and suds. It was a very popular video on Soc-Net.

Fortunately, sparing with Ronon was one thing she could do without thinking about a million different thoughts speeding through her brain. She let the fears take a back seat and let him lead her through the motions. She knew he was doing her a favor, there was no challenge to fighting her.

He knew she was distracted and didn't hit her too hard. But he would get bored of teaching and purposefully provoke her. That was when she'd loose control and end up hitting him too hard or walking into a real skull knocker. But they were always okay in the end, they both knew the other could take a hit.

"You're going to the thing tomorrow night?" he asked as he toyed with a pair of bantos sticks.

Lennah rubbed her face in a towel and blew out a deep breath. "I guess so. I can always leave early if Sheppard tries to fix me up with somebody." She laughed.

"You really think he'd try?"

Lennah shrugged. "Who knows? Best to be prepared, right?"

Ronon considered her with amusement. "Twenty bucks says he doesn't set you up with anybody." Lennah raised an eyebrow. "You have to stay the whole night. No sneaking off to hide in the shadows."

"I know better than to take that bet. If anybody knows anything about Shep's plans, it would be you."

"Okay then." He smirked. "I dare you."

Lennah shook her head and walked away when Ronon started laughing.

"He called it. Sheppard said you wouldn't be able to stick it out. You'd make up some excuse." Lennah stopped mid-stride as he spoke. "He said you were a geek in school. An outcast. You never feel like you belong because it's what your society taught you. So, he said, you'd sneak out after an hour or so."

Lennah turned on him.

"With your tail between your legs."


	5. Chapter 5

Lennah fidgeted nervously in front of the mirror. With a disgusted sound, she stripped down for the umpteenth time and stood staring at her closet. Sheppard's unsolicited advice looped on repeat.

"Throw him off his game." He'd smiled his signature fly-boy smirk around one of Keller's lollypops. "Show him that his little buddy has a lot more bang than he knows."

"What do you mean 'little buddy'?"

"Well, anyone can see that you're a perfectly attractive woman, Colare, sometimes you just gotta remind some people now and then." His candy prodded the air in emphasis.

Lennah snorted and raised an eyebrow. "Oh, right, of course. Who would be that slow?"

Sheppard gave her a pointed look. "You."

Clothes littered her floor and her bed. Make-up, the barest of accoutrements, had come out of hiding.

"What was I thinking?" She flopped onto her bed and blew out a huge sigh. "Closet, one. Colare, zero."

She needed a strategy. Risks only had to be minimal, comfort at the maximum. _Stick with the devil you know._

"Round two." There was a pair of black pants comfortable enough to see plenty of wear. "Now what?" She looked around the floor until her eyes landed on something of Teyla's.

Lennah held it up and figured she knew how to wear it but wondered if she actually _could._ There were some key aspects of anatomy that differed. Despite years of gymnastics, her parents' genes had prevailed. She was of a normal height but stood out as freakishly tall for a gymnast. Then, once the intense daily training went down to weekly, Mother Nature had a field day.

It was not enough to be humiliated by guys all through high school, now she had to be retrofitted with bait for the lower echelons of ape-hood. But, it was only at this low point that she considered showcasing.

Momma always said that a woman was responsible for how she presented herself and that she should take care not to lead men's thoughts on. Lennah had discovered that you didn't have to lead a horse to water for them to drink. Sometimes they found their way all by themselves.

She put it on and was considering angles when the door chimed.

"Um, just a minute!!" She threw clothes aside as she looked for her robe but the door slid open before she could find cover.

Teyla and Keller looked up in surprise. One look around the room told them why Colare was late.

"Sure, come on in." Lennah shrugged lamely. Only Keller betrayed any shock. It was quickly covered and replaced with a pleased smile.

"You look good. Ready to go?" She moved toward Lennah and carefully took her arm. "Teyla tell her how good she looks."

Teyla smiled. "You look quite attractive, Lennah. But we are rather late. Sheppard was explicit that we arrive early to assist."

"Are you sure?" Lennah dragged her feet as Jennifer guided her to the door. "You don't think I look too…"

"No different than Teyla when she wears that top. So let's go now. Here's your radio. There's your camera. Pick up your feet. That's it. Here we go."

Sheppard was orchestrating the crowd with complete tactical mastery. "Ladies, about time. Check the roster. Pick up a Sharpie and tag off Keg Watch. Limit is three cups per. No exceptions. Lighting! Move that tower a meter left or you're gonna bake Sound!"

The flurry of activity as people carried equipment and supplies increased as more arrived. Music blared as the smells of BBQ reached maturity. The hot sun moved low on the horizon and poured through the window of the sunroom. People settled to chat and eat, settling down only to throw things at Sheppard as he gave a little speech about opening 'The Watchtower' and the Fourth of July celebration disguised as 'Summer-fest'.

"The Watchtower was a gathering place for superheroes who saved the world over and over: Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman. By pulling together, you are all superheroes and this is your party!"

Lennah sat on the table by the keg, marking people's hands to tally up their drinks. Some talked to her, asking her if she was new. Sheppard was loving it. He'd occasionally give her a thumbs-up when she caught him watching.

The line was moving quickly and she had developed a rhythm. She'd offer her hand to shake and marked a line on their right hand before they knew what was happening. She had to explain it to a few. One Marine got quite vocal about the arrangement.

"Are you serious!?! Only three? I'm a big guy, I need more than three drinks!" The black Marine boasted loudly.

Lennah shot back calmly. "Well you can't drink them all at once. Come back later and I'll buy you one." She held up her unmarked hand as proof.

"For real?" He smiled. "That's decent of you. What's your name?"

She smiled. "Lennah Colare."

He gripped her hand again. "Lennah Colare, nice to meet you. Marcus Stein." Lennah balked and blushed. _Figures…But it's not like there are ten thousand guys named 'Marcus' in the world. You just have to deal with one._

"Nice to meet you too, Marcus." She waved him aside and continued marking hands.

Marcus plopped down next to her and started eating, asking her questions between bites. He was still there when Teyla tapped her on the shoulder. She was relieved to get back to the group and waved a quick farewell to Marcus. He pointed at her forebodingly.

Sheppard was overseeing the cooking of his rare steak. Ronon was content to watch people as always.

"Does that count?"

Ronon smirked. "As Sheppard setting you up? No."

"Why not? He gave me the job."

"You started talking to him."

"Only because I had to."

"And buying him a drink?"

"I was keeping the peace."

"Yeah, sure."

"Shut up."

"You."

"Man! This is the perfect steak." Sheppard reverently displayed his plate with a slow turn. He was oblivious to Dex and Colare staring daggers at each other. He cut into it and faintly pink juice poured out.

"'Muah-ah-ah! I vant to drink your blood.' Now that is a steak that a vampire can appreciate, right Colare?"

She raised an eyebrow in response. "What do you mean by that?"

"Oh, come on… I've seen your stash of trashy vampire novels." Sheppard waved his fork at her before resuming his worship of red meat.

"You mean the one in my underwear drawer?"

John almost choked on his fork.

"What's a vampire?" Ronon asked her with a sneer. He was in a foul mood.

Lennah gulped and equivocated. For good reason, she never brought up the subject with Pegasus natives. "Just a mythical creature from Earth. Many vastly different cultures have them somewhere in historic legends."

Sheppard smoked her out of her neutral territory. "But that's not why you like them, huh? Why don't you tell him?"

Lennah kicked him under the table and glared. Sheppard moved out of her range and didn't yield.

Ronon looked at her with impatient confusion.

"Vampires… Some people… On Earth, there are—is… lots of different… stuff." Ronon knit his eyebrows and started to smile as she haltingly attempted to 'explain'. "So you see… These legends… And then…"

"Colare likes to be bit." Sheppard translated. "She _likes_ it, likes it."

"Oh, is that all?" Ronon grinned suggestively and Lennah felt herself wither into her shoes. Her ears burned red.

"Yeah, remember that time you bit her arm and she got all twitchy?"

"Oh! THAT's what it was about…" He looked over at her as she tried to coolly recover. "On Sateda there was a rule about biting during fights for the same reason. Two people can hate each other going into the fight then, afterward..."

"Well, different people like different things. There's nothing wrong with it." She was mostly relieved she didn't have to explain that her secret obsession was oddly similar to Wraith Worshipping. "I mean Sheppard likes tall powerful women he can't have."

Sheppard just smiled off into space as a piece of steak melted in his mouth. _Red meat and women… _

Lennah rolled her eyes at him and turned to watch the dance floor. The last of the sun's light faded and the light show began sprinting alongside the music. Everybody was dancing. The skylight poured the full moons over the sardined crowd. A few ambient lights zipped shapes like blades through the misty fog. Cool air slipped in though the open balcony where people talked and drank away from the cinnamon smell of the smoke machine.

Ronon grabbed her from behind and bit her shoulder quickly before letting her go.

Sheppard was loosing it busting a gut as Lennah's fury simmered below the surface. She flicked her head and her neck cracked loudly. She glared at Sheppard, looking like she'd claw through the table with her nails and rip him to shreds. Thoughts were muddled. Things got fuzzy.

In her red haze, she snatched Sheppard's cup and chugged. Dropping the empty cup on the table she rose and moved toward the dancing.

She was surprised how quickly she got over it. She'd be pissed at Ronon for a good while but the party got to her and dancing was the perfect release. She tried to fade into the crowd but too many had seen the 'dirty dishes' vid.

Marcus showed up alongside her and she smiled at him. Much of Capioera looks like break dancing and soon they had an open battle going. It brought a crowd to watch and cheer. Some of the spectators were obviously drunk on someone's personal brew. The Marines took turns smacking her ass and laughing.

Marcus tried to help her out but this only encouraged the other males to grab and taunt. She was ready to start kicking when Ro showed up.

He grabbed her waist and hauled her off the floor, plopping her down behind him. The guys on the edge of the battle looked at each other in apprehension. Regardless if they were actually as drunk as they were acting, they knew Ronon could exact pain when he meant to.

He stared them down to drive the point home then turned to guide Lennah out into the night air.

"I don't want to go anywhere with you!" She jerked to a halt and Ro plowed into her.

"Shut up and keep walking." His voice thrummed in her chest like gravel not to mention the vestiges of their last interaction. But alcohol in her system was an easy scapegoat and she had to blame something for how helpless she felt against her own emotions.

Colare didn't want Ronon to think he'd had anything more than a passing effect on her. She played it cool. "Wow, that was awkward." She stated dryly.

Ronon shifted on his feet and smiled boastfully down at her. "What, exactly?"

Lennah blinked and stammered. "Uh—um, the, uh, Marines. With the whole drunk thing."

"Oh."

Lennah leaned on the railing for support as she first thought about, then avoided the subject. _Next topic._ She fidgeted in the lengthening silence.

"I'm sorry for tricking you into coming." His voice was soft in the quiet of ringing ears. Lennah smiled and shivered in the cold and from her typical post-performance anxiety. Most wouldn't call dancing with strangers a 'performance' but her nerves treated it so. He came to lean on the bar with his shoulder against hers.

Lennah had to remind herself she'd touched him a hundred times. Here, now, the contact had a whole new tenor.

_It's no big deal, Colare._ She admonished herself. A moment more and she surrendered to the cold, wrapping her arms around his and edged closer. She was aware it had been a while since anyone talked but was at a loss as to what to say.

"It was Sheppard's idea." Ronon continued.

Lennah scoffed. "For what?"

"For messing with your head. Getting you to come." He smiled at her.

"Yeah." She cleared her throat. "That could have been done differently." Sheppard was definitely playing both sides against the middle.

"You did good, though." He nodded. "Better than expected."

She narrowed her eyes at him but smiled. "You, too. You owe me."

Opened his mouth then snapped it shut. He paused and smiled at her. "I'll deal."

Lennah snickered at that and shivered again. Ro extracted his arm and wrapped her up. The heat he radiated at her back was a shock and she shuddered one last time. Lethargy hit and she sighed with relief.

"I should take you back inside." He whispered and his breath warmed the back of her neck.

"I'm okay." She said through clenched teeth so they wouldn't chatter. He chuckled and she shook with him. They stood silently observing the lights over Atlantis a while longer. Lennah leaned her head against his chest to look up at the stars.

Ronon started swaying to keep warm and Lennah followed suit.

"Sheppard says this is your thing."

"What?" She asked from behind closed eyes.

"This." He said. "Dancing. He says you're really good at it." He'd said it when he'd shown him that 'Dirty Dishes' video.

She smiled and chuckled. "He says that, huh?"

"You should show me." He hummed. "If he's wrong, so I can tell him."

Lennah groaned. _That was a challenge._ She laughed. "Okay. Fine."

"Really?" he sounded surprised.

"Sure. I'm thirsty."

"Yes, Ma'am." He agreed and practically dragged her back down the hallway. Apprehension dawned but the music drowned that out soon enough. He moved away, leaving her to feel awkward until the persuasive beat pulled her in. She pressed into the crowd toward the cluster of break-dancers joking around and goofing off. There were a few talented ones Lennah applauded as she got back into the swing of things. The songs flowed smoothly through a change and the males groaned as some 'girl power song' started playing.

Lennah jumped into the ring. She shooed the boys aside and clowned them as they jeered her. There were a few girls on the sidelines and she shared an exasperated look with them as she moved sensuously to the beat. Lennah wasn't the best at this particular style but she had fun showing up the boys. She finished with a spin and stepped back as another girl took the spotlight. Lennah stayed nearby, dancing alone as she watched and cheered the others on.

A cup appeared in front of her face and she took it as Ronon synced up behind her.

"That was pretty nice." He said in her ear. She shrugged and took a swig of something bitter and alcoholic. Lennah made a face and Ronon took it and chugged with a smile. "Don't like Tequila?" He crumpled the paper cup and threw it at Sheppard. He looked up, confused, but failed to discover the source of the magic flying cup.

Ro and Lennah laughed. She spun to hide her grin from Sheppard. She shook her head at Ro and guided him into some Latin steps.

It wasn't this tense when they were sparing so she put off teaching him anything new. She stuck with the break-dancers and led Ronon through some two-steps by his belt loops. Lennah got the impression he was being intentionally difficult.

"You can go if you want." She offered, leaning in to be heard. "Am I boring you?" He shook his head and put his hands on her waist. Ronon suddenly took the lead and showed a firm grasp of intricate rhythms. He pushed her into a spin and took a turn pushing her around for a while.

Whatever she'd taken a swig of had been potent, not to mention her status as a non-drinker lightweight. She felt dizzy and sought support by putting her hands over Ro's. Earth was spinning. Many billions of light years away, but spinning somewhere out there none the less.

It wasn't a great leap to move against him. It was hot but his breath on her wasn't uncomfortable. She wasn't too tired but her eyes were heavy. The room was full but they were alone.

He turned her to face him and he held her hand before placing it at his neck. Her other hand found its way there with a mind of its own. Lennah raised an eyebrow at the offending limb and turned the uncertain look at Ronon who just smiled easily. It was pretty cozy and became more so as his hands slid around on her back.

This new level of proximity opened the door for some other styles of dance Lennah didn't normally mess with. She met his eyes and felt his hands tighten at her waist. The pressure slipped up to cradle her ribs and she felt an unfamiliar tightening in her chest. She was breathless with the dance and the tensions of the last few weeks seemed to weigh her down. Lennah's chin dropped to her chest. Ronon murmured something unintelligible in her ear and she turned up into him. He felt her elevated breathing on his neck and wrapped his arms tighter around her. She sighed and relaxed into him. He followed suit and snuggled his face in the crook of her neck.

The music was good but it wouldn't have mattered. There were lights flashing but few saw them.

Lennah didn't realize her eyes were shut until his lips found her neck. She gasped in surprise. Encouraged, he bit down. She tensed and her nails dug into his neck. His hand tangled into her hair as he continued. She found his ear and bit a reply before remembering her purpose.

"Let's go."


	6. Chapter 6

The halls were empty all the way to the transporter and as Lennah indicated her corner of Atlantis, she caught a glimpse of herself in the reflection. Her breathing was shallow and she looked… ravenous. She smoothed her hair and looked at Ronon out of the corner of her eye. There was a similar attitude to his appearance but also a careless confidence that foreboded with Lennah.

Lennah's quarters weren't too far from the transporter but it dragged on in anticipation as her mind raced.

_What do I do? Invite him in? Address the boundaries? Where is this going? Where did it _come from_? Sheppard and Teyla are going to kill us!_ Lennah smiled at that. _Wow, there is an 'us'. Unless, it's just me. Oh, God, is it just me? Is he just being polite? Does he feel trapped? How do I let him off the hook? But I don't want to let him off. _

A cold stone settled in her stomach when they neared her door.

She cast about for an answer as they slowed to a stop before her door. _Okay, not in the hallway._ Lennah opened the door with a graceful wave that would have been a nervous fumble with keys.

Ronon took charge and steered her in before waving the door shut.

_I left this place a total wreck!_ She bent to scoop up a pile of clothes. Lennah inhaled to say something along the lines of 'make yourself comfortable.'

Ronon's hands caught her face as she turned toward him. Lennah fidgeted with the clothes in her hands. His arms snaked around her and his lips met hers, rough and heavy.

The light went off for Lennah. All those inept descriptions by Shakespeare and all the rest paled in the face of the simple action itself. All the best words had been used to describe this one instant, and yet, they all fell short.

Ro softened and pulled away from her. Lennah licked her lips and her eyes fluttered open in the sudden cold. He was smiling. Rather dumbly, but Lennah was sure she looked twice as ridiculous: hopelessly clinging to the cast-offs that failed her earlier wardrobe crisis. Ronon followed her look to the arm full of clothes. His smile broadened as he poked at one of her bras, one that had been hidden in the back of her closet for good reason.

"Sheppard's fault." She said hastily out of embarrassment. Ronon's eyes narrowed and he took a threatening step forward.

Lennah retreated and continued stammering as Ro slowly emptied her arms. He briefly glanced at a few particularly damning articles. "He—He suggested it. That I wear something sexy—girly, I meant girly. Just to throw you off. He said you only see me as 'a little buddy'."

Ronon took more steps forward and each pushed Lennah further back. "Little, yes. Buddy?" He didn't seem to blink and he was so imposing Lennah had to keep talking and retreating.

"Buddy." She waved a hand and clothes fell. "Buddy, like friend. One of the guys. Not a girl. Sheppard implied you didn't know I was a girl so I made sure you did tonight and it turned out pretty nice." Lennah stood with no further ground to retreat to or clothes to clutch. A cold moment of clarity reminded her it was her bed behind her.

Ro smiled, bewildered. "Oh, I knew. I just didn't know if you wanted me to." He grinned and his teeth shone in the dim light. "I'm told I'm kinda scary."

Lennah grinned and bit her lip as she tugged on one of his dreads. Ronon's face changed like she flipped a switch. His hands were on her again. He watched the sensation light in her eyes and smirked at its effect. She gripped his shirt and tried to hold eye contact as he explored and experimented with the visible skin, teasing the bottom edges of her shirt.

It was just hands until his lips found her again. Then those teeth. She struggled not to make a sound but some things just can't be helped. He growled and pounced in reply. Lennah knew she'd lost when her head didn't hit the bed with the rest of her.

Ronon's fist was lost in her hair and his teeth nibbled from her ear to her shoulder. She struggled against him, moving away. But wherever she went, he was there. Her breathing was ragged and her back arched into him. He pressed her down with one hand as he perched over her.

She was gone. Blindly staring back at him as she tugged at his shirt and his neck, pulling him toward her. Her eyes suddenly focused when he moved toward her. But he didn't make it easy. Her hands scrabbled against his chest and arms. He breathed down her neck and watched her eyes roll.

It was soft. So gentle. His lips didn't move with that roving hunger like before. It was a simple declaration of his presence. Everything before had incited her. This simple, sighing touch left her calmed.

She took a few breaths to steady herself before opening her eyes again. He'd been watching her and she saw an indefinable range of emotions pass over his face. Lennah smiled lazily and took him in. His expression mirrored her own: dazed and smiling. He leaned his head on one hand as they continued their observance.

Lennah looked more and more confused and his smile broadened in response.

"Did we just get set up?" She laughed. Ronon considered and decided it didn't matter. He shrugged and they both laughed.

. . . . . .

He only spent thirteen minutes in her room. She begged him to stay, her body language indicated that even though she said otherwise.

"Of course, it's late." She nodded as she looked up at him, leaning in her doorframe.

He said something along the lines of 'see you later' and leaned toward her in a way that had her tipping forward with the gravitational pull. At the last instant, he waved a hand in front of the panel and the doors snapped shut between them. He hung there for a moment more before pulling himself away. She no doubt did the same on the other side of it. Dex walked away rubbing at his unkempt jaw. It would be an interesting note to see if he shaved it soon.

A woman made a man do strange things. This was made quite apparent to the observer as he lingered in the area to see if Dex would return to Colare's room.

'Observer' was such a nice way of putting it. It was quite disarming.


	7. Chapter 7

To keep the edge up, drills were run on a schedule every month. The base personnel divvied up in three groups: invaders, civilians, and Marines. They ran various scenarios that included a Wraith incursion, Foothold operations, and Body-snatchers. Sometimes there were even costumes. The D'n'D scientists got a huge kick out of it and compared it to role-playing. The military understandably chose to call it something else.

The whole day was devoted to the games—uh, drills. One might rise and head to the cafeteria just like any day only to be kidnapped by masked soldiers and held hostage until the cessation of paint-ball 'gunfire'. Some units used the P-90 disguised Zats while others used the more traditional high impact 40 cal pellet guns that often got around padding.

During these intense orchestrated drills, one never knew who was a friendly and who was just pretending to be one. It varied from drill to drill and they hardly ever announced if it was strictly a Body-snatcher or a Foothold. They felt free to combine any in various configurations.

Once, the whole science division went rogue and set off the self-destruct and had control of the vents and bulkheads. Each unit of Marines had to fend off the others they ran into while capturing the wandering scientists who fed them real or false clues as to how to disarm the city and regain control. This helped the Marines practice their knowledge of system controls and manual overrides while the scientists figured out ways to herd or block off any movement in the city.

It was an all around educational experience.

This month was no exception.

The day started off with a Foothold situation at 0400. The breach was through the gateroom, as usual, but with a secondary breach by sea through which friendlies were body-snatched. The friendlies had to be taken alive and largely unharmed while 'lethal' force was authorized for the invaders.

From there, the city quarantine and self-destruct went off simultaneously. Individual teams had to make it across the city to their own objectives. Half were responsible for the actual evacuation of all civilian bodies to the mainland and the other half had to stop the count down one way or another. Once the evac-ed scientists made it to the mainland they could sit down to lunch while the pilots flew simulated dogfights and aerial objectives.

Lennah, having team status, stayed in the city with SGA-1 and the Marines. After taking another tact-team captive and disarming impending doom, they were split up. It was a research move by Lennah's guess. The egghead biologists and anthropologists were studying the team dynamic when put on opposition. They'd be watching by city-wide sensors and listening in on their coms.

She wasn't given an objective yet so she popped a squat in the hall and chowed on a powerbar. Sheppard stopped by and informed her of a viral exposure that had Teyla and Ronon acting irrational. But instead of teaming up to hunt the pair down, he left her to conduct her own search of the area Dex was last spotted.

_Good goin', Pops. _She thought. _Let's mix business and pleasure._ While Lennah philosophized on which was business and which was pleasure and for whom, she made her way through the area where Dex was supposed to be in a quadrant-by-quadrant search.

It was an industrial district, as only the Ancients would know. The wide hallways were two to three stories high to facilitate the movement of massive objects between labs. She couldn't scale the walls in a pinch. The slightest noise was magnified. You'd think that the Ancients would have used noise nullifiers in their building plans to reduce hearing loss. Perhaps that, like everything the Ancients did, was more complicated than necessary.

She didn't gain much ground in the first half hour and moved to a more organic search based on her understanding of Ronon and the limited information on the virus Shep had given her. It had been full of medical jargon and, thus, was a clue.

It was a parasitic infestation that fed on brain chemistry and had a bipolar effect on the body. Increased hormonal production that simultaneously triggered the cornucopia response of 'fight or flight' as well as causing the mind to flip to various extremes. Colare gathered from this that, along with the sharpened senses and increased strength/stamina associated with epinephrine, the afflicted would also be incapable of complete or rational thought. As if bringing down the beast wasn't hard enough already.

_Stinkin' Shep took the easier one. Wuss._

Ronon was a Runner who was used to sticking to the shadows. Odds are she wouldn't see him sneaking up behind her. It wasn't likely that Ronon was under any actual viral or drug influence but she had to treat it as though he was. He probably had a number of 'symptoms' to display, a series of stages to jump through leading up to attack. If she could keep him busy... stow a weapon somewhere on her person, play into whatever staged delusion he would perform and convince him of her confederacy.

It could work. At the least, she'd be in active negotiations, which was better than waiting hours for a sniping opportunity. Doing nothing was equal to a failure to perform. It was better to give a good attempt and fail than to do nothing and fail.

She hid her heaviest artillery behind a vent panel: the P-90 tazer, flash-booms, M-60 noisemakers used as fake grenades… rubber chicken... She kept only a blade, the 40 cal zat, and her vest as it was kind of chilly in this part of town. They were on the 10th floor in the cool open air.

Colare moved through the area, calling his name in a cavalier manner. She already felt like she was being watched.

"Hey, Ro!" She called. _God, I feel like an idiot._ Lennah put in a headphone and drowned out the clammy silence. She danced a quick step into 'chaines' turns to break the mood. "Ro! Come on!"

It was eerie, waiting for the inevitable pounce. Dex would come up behind her and scare the crap out of her. It was deathly still and cool in this area. This was right out of an X-files episode: coaxing the apparently not-so-normal person out of the shadows only to be chopped to bits and digested.

"Ro?" Her voice wavered and she cleared her throat. "We both know how this is gonna go. You jump out, I scream. Can we get it over now?"

There was a noise down one of the halls and she fought her desire to run away from it. "Ronon?" A few yards down a connecting hallway, she found a powerbar, which she stuffed in her pocket. He'd probably thrown it to lead her. "Come on, _buddy."_

She looked down both ends of the long hallway. One ended at a junction with another hall. The other faded into darkness beyond a flickering light.

_God, that's creepy. _The hairs on the back of her neck stood up and her skin crawled as it did when someone was watching her. Lennah descended into terror. She fought to control her breathing for a moment then turned and ran right into Dex.

Just an arm around her and she was fine again. She felt like a child but she was embarrassed as only an adult would be. It was the first time they'd been alone since that night.

"I'm okay. I know I'm okay and I'm with you but I can't stop shaking."

"Or talking."

"I babble when stuff happens. It's just a psychological over-compensation for not being in control of my surroundings. It's just—I just, you know, and there's no end in sight. We could be here all night with me just rattling off."

Talking stopped when he kissed her. "I don't mind being here all night."

She chuckled and rested her head on his shoulder. Any minute he was going to be insanely irate. _And that would be hot, too._

But he'd just be acting. Playing a role he was assigned just as she was. Why not make it worthwhile?

"I feel so safe with you." There was no humor in her confession. She couldn't even look him in the eye when she said it. "And it scares me."

"Why?"

"Because what we want may not always turn out to really be what we want."

He said nothing for a while but he wouldn't allow her to step away either.

"Do you want me?"

Her only reply was to look away. He pulled her face back to him.

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Then you have nothing to worry about."

The simplicity of his logic threw her off for a moment. "Right. Well, the grades on these drills for one." She shrugged and tried not to think about how she felt against him.

"Oh, right." He smiled. "We're being graded for performance." He left a slow trail of kisses down her jaw. There was a flutter somewhere between her heart being in her stomach and in her throat.

"Not that kind of performance." But the even tone she'd held before lowered to a whisper.

"Who's to say?" Ro leaned back and smiled at her. When she failed to respond, he leaned in again and nuzzled her ear.

Lennah shivered as a warm hand slid around her waist and up her back. "This is me trusting you."

"It's all part of the plan." His breath was warm on her face and she could close her eyes and make everything else disappear. He pulled her closer and held her tightly. There was that constricting feeling in her chest though nothing was wrong with her heart.

"Does the plan involve me breathing?" Her hands moved over him but he was immovable and completely solid as though a statue had formed.

"Some of the time."

"That doesn't bode well for my brain cells."

He chuckled and hoisted her up, wedging her between himself and the wall.

This was about the time Lennah discovered he'd relieved her of her firearm. _Two can play at that._ She hooked her arms under his and laid her head on his chest. The relieved sigh that heaved just helped the theatrics she told herself. Colare stroked his back under that leather trench coat. Once or twice. In a slow way, she looked up at him and smiled.

"Bang. Bang." She smirked as she pressed the barrel of his own gun into his side.

Ronon grinned. "Bang. Bang." He waved her own at her.

Lennah scoffed. "Can't you ever lose?" She sighed, head hitting the wall. Ronon planted his lips on her exposed neck.

"I tried that once… I wasn't good at it… so we called it a draw..."

Lennah raised an eyebrow. Her head felt too heavy to move. "Fine. I'll give you that one. I don't want a rematch."

Ronon wrapped a huge hand around her wrist and pointed the gun elsewhere. "It was a good try." No longer trusting her, he backed away with both weapons.

That only gave her room to move. She slammed his chest with her feet as she bounced off the wall. There was a massive reverberating thud as he hit the floor. She landed on top and smiled down at him.

"You may have to put me down." She smiled."I won't take no for an answer."

Ro flipped the pin and held her down as he twisted to reach for a restraint. Her knife at his neck impeded him.

She smiled at his surprise. "Oh, of course."

He nodded. "Of course." He smiled huge and she blinked. She watched his heated eyes move over her face and she looked away. He took her knife. "My round."

She groaned. "But not the war." She fought the impulse to wrap her legs around him. "Take me in. I'm cold, hungry, and tired."

"Me too." He said. "I've been waiting out here for almost an hour for Sheppard to give me another objective."

"He didn't...?" Lennah started then rolled her eyes in understanding. "He told me you and Teyla went crazy."

"And he wanted you to bring me in while he went after Teyla?" Ronon smiled. "Of course."

Losing never felt so good. She'd forced him to restrain her but he plopped his coat over her shoulders. It's length dragged but it was cozy in there. After a stressful day, it was nice to be swathed in soft leather that smelled like him.

It was nicer when he stole a kiss or two. And the fact that her hands were tied behind her back lent an air of danger Lennah found... interesting.

He led her in to the Gateroom with his hand at the back of her neck.

Sheppard fought a smile and waved them aside. The games were done for the day and everyone was filing into Mess. The Jumpers were en route.

Ro took his time unbuttoning his jacket and cutting the zip-tie.

The 'Observer' watched from a distance, along with everyone else apparently.

The room was flooded with people, coming and going as they checked in final results and headed to the armory to check their weapons. But they were unaware, oblivious to the onlookers getting their kicks off it. His hand brushed her hair out of her face. Her locked gaze. The alien even wrapped his arms around her to cut the zip-tie. Damned if he didn't maximize the possibilities there. He kissed her and all chatter stopped.

It would have been pretty damn hot, if it weren't disgusting.

The scientists said we were all the same. They said that the address of the planets didn't matter, the genetic material all originated from the same source and 'we were all the same'. They said the same thing about our aquatic cousin, the purple sea sponge. You don't see anybody trying to romance one of those. But that could just be a matter of time before some fool woman tried to get a legit marriage license with one of those. The times, the times.


	8. Chapter 8

They weren't there. Right here, where she'd stowed them. The only vent on this corridor before it forked. There was the turn where Ronon threw the Powerbar. There was the flickering light, not as scary in the day, but the same one. This was where the P-90 and the noisemakers should be.

But they weren't.

Ronon would have told her if he'd gotten the stuff. She had to sign it back in, that was protocol. That is, unless he'd lured her out here to make out again. She looked over her shoulder and considered the hallway around her.

"Hello?" She called. "Ronon, this isn't funny!"

Nothing. No whisper of movement. Lennah weighed the options: stay here and play cat and mouse or go back to her room and try to play it on her ground.

She headed back to her room, by way of the armory to report the loss. This was getting out of control.

He didn't admit to it when she asked him. He shrugged it off and made himself at home on her bed. "Maybe you got the junction mixed up."

"I was certain of it." She sighed. Loss of military property checked out to her possession was her responsibility, cost and collateral.

Ronon leaned forward and looked up at her. "I'll go back with you. We'll check it out."

"I don't need you to hold my hand!" She didn't intend to yell. It wasn't like someone could do any real damage with a tazer, blades, and some firecrackers. She put her face in her hands and almost caved.

He was there, hands pulling hers away to see the tears. "I meant we'd cover more ground." He put his arms around her and slumped to look into her face. "What's this about?"

Lennah looked over at her desk. It was there. Top drawer. A simple folder stuffed with six neatly folded letters. All were unsigned, all had been slid under her door. Except the last one. She'd found that one on her bed one afternoon.

All she had to do was cross to it and lay it out for him to see. It concerned him just as much, if not more than her. Then he'd know and he'd tell Sheppard, and Sheppard would start an investigation. Everyone would murmur and coddle her. "You poor thing. How awful! Some stranger in your room!" Shep's temper about these things would get around and the guy would go to ground.

She didn't have to tell him what was missing from her closet. No one had to know that.

"It's nothing." She shook her head and wiped her eyes.

But if she caved, she'd be unnecessarily burdening him. It was her that was getting the hate mail. It was her fault he was getting this kind of attention from some jealous moron with territorial compensation issues. She had the brains to figure it out. She could do it. Figure it out and then turn in the finished report to Shep. She just had to keep it together for a little while longer. Then there would be no self-pity involved in curling up in Ro's bed and having a good cry.

"Just stress." She managed a smile. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have freaked out on you."

Suspicions left unsaid, he nodded. "I can take it." She'd say when she was ready. It was the way they both handled things. "You want to eat in?"

She smiled for real this time and he melted a little. "I dunno." She rubbed her eyes. "I should get some sleep. We're all frazzled."

"Okay." He nodded again. "I'll bring you something."

She melted internally but a part of her, childish at best, wanted to yell at him again. _I don't need you to take care of me!!_ But she knew that in many ways, she did. And that was what scared her.

"M'kay." She nodded as she crawled onto her bed and rolled into the comforter. "Something with mashed potatoes and gravy."

"And a roll?"

"And a roll."


	9. Chapter 9

It was easy to get Connor to explain how to set it up, and being in visual communications, she had feasible excuse to get the supplies she needed. It was keying in the devices into a feed she could access with her computer that was difficult. She changed her passwords and bumped up remote access security, then that messed up the video feed.

Lennah almost threw her laptop across the room in frustration. She paced a bit and wished she could work the bag. No way in hell she'd go alone. When she was alone, photos of her private excursions ended up on SocNet. Not suspicious to anyone else but a loud and clear message to her.

Bumbling and inept, she'd get through this. She could have called Zelenka to come over and set it up for her. She knew enough of his family's personal adversity to know he'd never show that same prejudice on someone else. Radek Zelenka could be trusted. But she couldn't ask him to keep quiet about it. He'd ask why. He'd mention it in passing. God knows who'd be listening so they could plan accordingly.

Colare began troubleshooting again when the door rang. It was Teyla.

Lennah tried to show enthusiasm but it fell flat. "Hey! Good to see you." She waved Teyla in. It would be a good opportunity to sound-check the mikes. Teyla was a soft spoken woman. "What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if you might consider joining us for dinner." Teyla kept a level eye and it was more than easy to see she was concerned.

Lennah rubbed her eyes and looked around the room for an excuse. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. It wasn't pretty.

"It has been many weeks since you have joined us for a meal." Teyla only took one step further into the room. It was messy and it had been a while since she'd taken the trash out. "Or any event for that matter."

"I know." Colare shrugged. "I've just been busy with some personal projects. I've lost track of time."

"Could it be possible to set work aside for an hour or two to join your friends?" She leaned forward hopefully. "You are no doubt hungry. Two birds and a stone?"

Lennah looked at the cold cup of coffee and donut remnants from this morning. She smiled at Teyla, in complete sincerity. "I don't know about today. How about tomorrow?"

Teyla smiled. "I will look forward to it." Mercifully, Teyla left with that.

But it was a visit that got her thinking. How long had it been?

Two months and three weeks. And nothing to show for it. No more visits. No more letters. It was as if she'd made everything up. No wonder she'd felt so horribly alone.

But the letters… She still had the letters.

Lennah sat on her bed and cradled her head in her hands. She'd pushed everyone away. "Now's not a good time." "Maybe next week."

Two disciplinary notices for missed deadlines.

One sullen Satedan. _Not that anyone else noticed._

Though there was the gift. It was questionable at first. She'd approached it with latex gloves, unfolding it with a queasy stomach in knots. She'd waited for some letter to fall out or maybe her missing underwear.

It was a white pelt, like a Buffalo or small mammoth. It was 'folded' and tied with a little ribbon. She'd folded it back up again and filed it as evidence.

Two days later, she heard the Poker society jabbering about some fur someone had brought on base as she filled up a cup of coffee some yards away.

"Fur is murder!"

Maria shrugged. "Anal electrocution is murder. The wolfie was nibbling on people. A 12 year old lost a limb. Two others weren't so lucky as to be recognizable. It was blood crazed, they had to put it down anyway. It's a waste to let the whole creature go to rot without honoring what makes it special."

"These things have natural ends. They had only to relocate the animal."

"To where? The Lupus Bigamous has a 400 mile hunting range! Some other delicate ecosystem where it can spread parasites and disease through the food chain? Any eco-friendly person would know that you can't just take a sick creature from a certain environment and plop it down in another without careful research and consideration."

"Then take the time. They should have taken the time to take care of this beautiful animal."

"Did anyone see it?"

"It was huge!"

"Mmm, nice toasty fire and a box of chocolates curled up on that fur."

"Good God, let's dream big, add a man in there somewhere." Cooing.

"Oh, there already is one: our Conan the Barbarian."

"Did the lummox strangle the life out of it with his bare hands as he grunted sonnets?"

Someone cleared her throat emphatically. They'd seen her.

"Nah, he put it down quick." There was hissing.

"I wonder who ended up with it?" Ah, Price the Meddler.

"We'll just have to see who's suddenly wearing stray white hairs."

"Honey, if Tarzan had given it to _me_, there wouldn't be any clothes to get stray hairs on." Laughter.

"Shows how _smart_ he is."

Lennah scoffed and frowned into her coffee. The creamer was a cloudy delineation still being swirled into consistency. Colare used so much to choke down the brew, it took on the color of the soft leather side of the pelt.

She looked across the room at her desk, where the fur still hid away.

_I wonder what that would feel like... _

_It wouldn't hurt to try it out..._

The fire wouldn't be on the program. Maybe it was time for another small little ration of chocolate from her secret stash. She wasn't sleeping well anyway.


	10. Chapter 10

She made a day of it. She hadn't gone for a run in a while and she was sure to have lost some flexibility. She hadn't taken very many recreational pictures, either. All the recent ones were surveillance.

"_I don't like people sneaking around!" Ronon was shaking her and yelling._

Sure, she felt bad about messing with people's privacy, but what with some psycho on the loose... But who was she to decide when people's private preferences negated their civil rights. It wasn't like she was torturing anyone. No, that was the chump messing with her head and screwing things up between her and Ro.

Nothing. In almost three months, no new letters or missing items. What was the catalyst? Something she said? Something she did? Could the person's anger have tapered off by now?

The timeline was inconclusive. But her over analytical mind had added too much detail to the equation. She needed to simplify things, maybe talk them out with someone.

Price? Would she go straight to Sheppard? If Lennah had received creepy, perv mail, Sheppard would have to be notified. Eventually. Maybe she wouldn't go running straight to 'Dad'.

But Price could give a profile on the guy. Then she'd have something to show besides obsessive data and sleepless nights.

Her feet were way ahead of her head. They'd carried her right to Price's office. Lennah half raised her hand to knock before pausing. Was this really what she wanted? Was this the right step?

Fate decided for her.

The door swung open and McKay stepped out. "Oh, hello Colare. You needed something?"

Lennah flashed a smile. "I just needed—"

"Oh, Colare!" Price caught sight of her. "Come right in."

McKay turned to say something more when Price shooed him out the door and shut it quickly.

"Oh, dear sweet Joseph." Price slumped against the door. "I swear that man reaches new heights of ridiculous daily."

Lennah smiled, caught off guard by her relief. "I don't know. I find it, him, kind of charming."

Price opened one eye. "You're displacing."

"Oh, really?"

"Oh, really."

"How so?"

"Transient habits aren't just about location."

Lennah's playful smile slid off her face. _I haven't... Really, though? It wasn't about that._

Price cleared her throat and threw herself on the couch. "What are you here about, Colare?"

Colare looked at her fingers. "I wasn't really prepared to do this. I just decided, today, that I'd talk with you about something troubling me. I wanted to see if you had any free time tomorrow."

Price sat up and leaned on her knees. "There's no time like the present."

Lennah balked. She'd hoped to have time to put together a presentation. "Really?"

"Why not?" Price shrugged. "It's the end of my shift."

"Oh, okay. Um, if you're not busy." Lennah stammered and tried to switch gears. "I have some papers I'll need to grab."

"Good, I need to get out of this office. You can give me the gist on the way there."

"Gist?"

"Broad strokes."

Lennah twisted her fingers together. _See it through. _"Actually, it would be easier for me to show you...it."

Price read something in Lennah's face that she didn't expect to see there, something that disturbed her. The anthropologist only nodded and grabbed a recorder.

They set out across the city toward Lennah's place. She wanted to diffuse the moment but found she had nothing to say. No recent anecdotes, no new jokes, or even random topics came to mind.

_I'm so out of touch. How badly did I screw everything up?_

"Just start talking, don't filter. Babble."

Lennah snorted.

"Trust me." Price met her eyes. "It will help."

_Is it time?_ She pushed the button on the transporter as she mulled. _Is this right?_

"Sheppard and Teyla are worried about you." Price started. She left the most obvious member of the team out with respect to obvious confliction. "You've completely cut yourself off from them."

Lennah looked up in surprise. In her mind, the pieces tumbled in to place.

"You've gone rogue." Price finished. "You realize that now, don't you?"

Lennah nodded.

Price stopped and faced her. They were a turn away from Lennah's room. "Is that what you want? Really? To sever the attachments?"

Tears filled her eyes. She shook her head, not trusting her voice. She motioned to Price and hurried to her room.

Lennah pulled out the file and opened up the visual of the camera feed.

Price took in the state of the room as well as her own image on the screen.

"What the hell, Lennah?" Price looked up at her in confusion but Lennah just shook her head and handed over the file of the letters and her notes on them.

Lennah blushed and looked around as Price opened up the file. She busied herself tidying up. There could be company in her future.

Price didn't say much. She cued in to Lennah's taciturn desire to bring this to a close. She only asked for all the information Colare had complied. Lennah opened the bottom drawer and handed Price another file that contained her timelines and personal profiling on various people on base. As the drawer lay open, Price saw the folded white fur. How confused was she that she'd pool that marvelous gift with a stalker's perversions?

She sighed, leveling her gaze on Colare even as she shook her head at her. "You really messed up, Lennah."

Emotion flooded, grief and rage, but she nodded and watched Price leave.

She left moments later. Only after unfurling the white pelt like a flag.

_It's almost over._


	11. Chapter 11

The waters were calm. It was kind of cool out but it braced her. She had a purpose and she only stopped to take in the view for a moment. Then she continued on toward Ronon's place.

She'd been there a few times. All with Shep and Teyla in tow. Lennah guessed that this was because he wanted to do everything on her terms. She hadn't ever really spent time in there but she knew what to expect.

Or so she thought.

She waved her hand over the panel. If locked, a tone would chime. If unlocked, as it was, it would slide open.

He was with someone. Busy, apparently, and both were oblivious to the fact the door was unlocked.

The pair turned to look at Lennah as she stood, agape, in the doorway.

She should have expected this. It was a long time. And besides, what did they have? A few hot and heavy kisses? What was that compared to whatever it was they were doing, or about to do?

The woman, whoever she was, had her hands on him. Her breezy top was unbuttoned enough to see a lacy bra. She'd been kissing him when Lennah walked in. It had been the first thing she saw. Ronon's hands at the woman's waist had been the second. They gripped as he'd done to her, once or twice. He looked surprised... and guilty.

Lennah cleared her throat and looked away. "I'm sorry." She tried to look at him but could only manage the briefest of glances. "I didn't know you had company."

Her voice was on the verge of wavering and she could feel the lump in her throat building strength. She cleared it again and tried to sound cheery. "I just wanted to talk. I'll come back later."

Lennah smiled awkwardly at the woman and shrugged. She waved the door shut and headed down the hall.

_It's okay. Everything's fine._ She sighed and smiled to herself even as a fat plop landed on her shirt. Everything betrayed her. She fumbled to clear its remnants away and she stood a little straighter.

"Lennah." A clarion called her to the present. It wasn't a conscious decision to obey. The ringing that went through her caused pleasure and pain.

Lennah could hear him mumbling lowly to the woman and she turned casually to watch the exchange. The woman was put out, emotionally and literally. Ronon shooed her down the hall and turned to look at Lennah. His expression was unreadable.

"I've got time." He used that voice again. Lennah felt her legs moving. She was too afraid to cry now. He'd scared the tears out of her for the time being.

She rounded the corner into his room and he followed, closing and locking the door. He crossed to lean on a dresser that sat under a Satedan painting. He chose the point furthest from her in the room.

She dumbly noticed he'd shaved his goatee off. His hard jaw line was completely visible and made him more formidable.

Lennah looked around for a second when she saw him cross his arms. This made her realize she had her arms tightly hugging her center. She forced herself to relax her rigid arms to her sides.

"I have something to confess."

He didn't move or register surprise.

"I should have told you in the beginning." She looked down at her hands as she wrung them. "But I didn't want to bother you with something I thought I could handle." She sighed in resignation and continued. "I was wrong."

His stance softened in the slightest way, something in his expression. She looked at her hands until she got it all said.

"When we… About three months ago," the words, held captive for so long, now fought all the way out. "About three months ago, I started getting some... letters. I don't know who wrote them, I just found them under my door and—in certain places in my room.

"They're... gross. Sexual advances. Threats. This guy went into great detail of how he wanted me to behave and how he'd treat me if I didn't obey. They talked about you. How they hated you because you were—different. They said they'd kill you just for touching me." She heard him snort but ignored it. "I wanted to handle it. I wanted to make it stop. So I started working on who it could be before I told anyone. But then it stopped. And I learned nothing."

She finally felt calm enough to look him in the eye. "Except that I needed help. That I wanted... your help."

He looked concerned and resigned, somehow, as though he'd made a decision in the interim and was now forced to keep it. She knew she'd lost him.

Lennah was about to say as much, apologize, and leave, when he spoke.

"Let's go see Sheppard." He pushed off his ledge and moved toward the door, and Lennah.

It was stupid, but something in her wanted to reach out to him. To touch him again. But she knew that his progression through the room was more to get to the door than to be nearer her. She felt the pull and fought it even as they stood in silence just looking at each other. But she no longer had any right to him, another woman did.

She turned, head down, and stepped to the door. There was a pause as she expected him to wave his hand over the panel. But he didn't move after following her step, close enough to breathe down her neck.

_He's doing this now? _She thought angrily. _After walking in here, finding him with a new lover, and he's doing this now?_ Lennah flailed her hand across the panel and hurried out the door. She would have continued on in a huff but for one thing.

_When were you ever his lover?_

That one thought stopped her and she looked over her shoulder at him as if waiting for him to give her that answer. She looked down again and urged him onward with a slight move of her head. They walked slowly, quietly, side by side to Sheppard's as though it might be the last thing they ever did together.


	12. Chapter 12

Sheppard gave her a severe dressing down. Price was already there when they walked in. Lennah nodded and agreed with everything he said.

"Stupid. Ignorant. Stupid." She nodded. Price even took a turn at her.

"Why? In God's name, why try to take this on all by yourself?"

Lennah sighed and looked down. "I never need anyone's help. It scared me that I did. I didn't want to be bowed into submission by anyone. I didn't want to go running for help."

"Dearie, that's what friends are for." Price.

"That's what uniforms are for." Sheppard.

Ronon moved from his new perch. He moved toward Lennah and the others watched in silence.

"So you gave 'em what they wanted." His gruff voice was soft. "You pushed me away. Cut yourself off from people who could help you. Made yourself vulnerable."

Lennah could only gape and shake her head in disbelief. _No. No, no. That's not what I wanted! How did I let that happen? I didn't want that._

Having finished, he let himself out. Bored by the proceedings.

Lennah watched the door close behind him and clutched her arms around her middle. _Hold yourself together._ But it was useless, she'd already been broken by the one man she swore she'd never give in to.


	13. Chapter 13

It wasn't as though anyone needed to know. She bore through their scolding for another while until they got it all out of their system.

"You will stay in your quarters until such time as I see fit."

_Great. _Lennah thought ruefully. _Pops is groundin me._

By this time, Teyla had showed up and far be it from Mom to not the levelheaded voice of reason.

"You cannot say that John's actions are unwarranted." She soothed as she escorted Lennah back to her room. "He certainly can only have your own best interest in mind."

Lennah bowed her head and nodded. "I understand." Teyla said no more as she allowed Lennah to step inside before she waved the doors shut.

Colare turned and looked at her apartment, once an unintentional hermitage now was a deserved prison. This isn't where she wanted to be anymore. There was little she could do about that presently, aside from draft a resignation.

Would she really leave? It would make things easier. She could move on and grow from it. There would now be the mark on her record. Having Sheppard brought on board now required that he report the incident of 'failure to report'.

Nothing she could do about that now. She'd be stuck in this room until Sheppard figured out her mess. Stuck in the reminder of her incapability to do anything to fix it.

The white fur on the carpet, that had given her hope before, now caused pain. But it was bittersweet, some fond memories wrapped up in there somewhere.

Tired and beaten down, she needed something to prop her up until she could figure out what to do.

In her desk were hardcopies of various candids and cityscapes she'd shot in her time at Atlantis. She'd be required by her confidentiality contract to leave them here. They were all product of military contract. The pictures of friends laughing, strangers smiling, and moments of meaning only to those who were aware of their importance, to her, would be filed away or discarded.

The pelt would be too, as the remnant DNA contained in the skin and hair follicles could be nothing Earthly.

_It would be hell to get through customs, anyway_.

She made use of the largest shelf in the room and spread out the photos on the floor. The cramped position of sorting them reminded her of the physical and emotionally draining day she'd had. She could lie out on the fur after a hot shower and look through them more closely.

Bath, bubbles, shaving her legs, music: almost as good as chocolate. In the back end of her closet, was yet another item she'd gotten as a party-favor for a cousin's bachelorette party. A particularly elegant and meddling cousin whose generosity went years back as is evident by the extent of her 'private collection'. The item in question was a soft ivory chemise. If it wasn't so short in length, it may have been an evening dress. If she was bold, she'd have worn it with jeans but one needed a license to carry that much cleavage.

It was a sign of complete desperation.

_Who wears perfume and lingerie to a bed for one?_ Lennah mused as she dried her hair. _Obviously, only someone as completely pathetic as you, dearie._

She threw her pillows and blankets onto the floor and crawled into the heap.

Hot smooth skin and cool satin burrowed into the pile, making a den. It was quiet and pitch black under her cobbled tent. The simple pleasure of _knowing_ no one could see her was euphoric. It reminded her of that night in the tent with the others, crowded together and cozy. If she weren't careful, she'd ruin a perfectly good night with tears.

Of course the door would chime right when she got comfortable. _It was Teyla back to check with her emotional state or Sheppard to regurgitate more of the same._

She grabbed her red robe and was pulling it on as she waved the doors open.

She'd guessed wrong.

Surprise registered first.


	14. Chapter 14

Ronon fidgeted with the various manual overrides available behind the panel. He'd tried a number of ways to open the door, a few of which were rigged with some nasty shocks.

However, no one came running to the door. She'd neglected to rig an alarm to accompany the triggered traps. He heaved a sigh in disappointment.

Colare had done a good enough job to keep someone with his limited knowledge out, but not enough to get any attention for trying to pick the lock. Someone with more knowledge would surely be able to sidetrack the shocks and open the door, McKay for instance.

McKay would also be able to override the alarms if she'd bothered to set them.

Reduced to the conventional way of entering a room barred to him, Ronon reassembled the panel and waved a hand over it. He knew he'd done so correctly only when the chime sounded on the other side of the door. He picked up his bag and waited, eyeing the panel for a second application.

What was taking her so long to open the door? A number of scenarios cycled through his mind as he waited. She was angry. She had a right to be, at him and Sheppard for locking her up here. She could be asleep. Not likely. She could be in the showers or otherwise unable to immediately answer the door. She could be detained. Perhaps, the visit to his place had been noticed by the guy and he'd dropped in for a chat.

He was reaching for the panel and unclipping his holster when it finally opened.

Surprise registered first.

_Damn… _There was the shock and blinking. Then some dry mouth. Maybe breathing would be good… if he could, you know, breathe. He had been breathing before, right? He could distinctly remember an impatient sigh in the hallway just seconds earlier.

He recovered from the blow that had gut-checked him to realize she'd stood aside to invite him in. She was starring at him in surprise too. She'd never seen him clean shaven before. Ronon cleared his throat and stepped in.

He dropped his bag on her floor. Lennah jerked.

It was like watching her get slapped.

"Sorry." His voice wasn't working well. Probably, because of that whole breathing thing. He turned to the inside panel and stared at it. And stared at it some more, before finally getting to work on it. _Enable lock. Disable unlock. Disable chime._

She watched him for a moment, not knowing what he was doing with the crystals but understanding she'd be locked in here with him for some time. Her eyes moved over to that big bag he'd plopped on the floor. The man could go for ages without changing his shirt and, yet, here were two or three others. It would be mostly guns and ammo, but why? Is he expecting some kind of war zone?

_Well, I did see him with someone else. _She thought as she turned to her meager private balcony, the closest thing to freedom. _They must have bad break-ups everywhere… But of course that requires a relationship _to_ break-up. Did we qualify?_

When he turned around, she was gone. "Colare?" She didn't have another exit, did she?

She considered not answering.

"Lennah?" He could see her through the window. It was windy and that didn't bode well for that… whatever it was she was wearing. He opted instead to poke around her room. It wasn't nearly what Teyla had led him to believe.

It was somewhat unkempt but that was par for the course with Lennah. She called it 'creative chaos'. The stripped bed and the pallet on the floor were certainly new. He could almost see her sprawled out on those pillows…

Ronon spun to look at his bag. There was something more he had to do, right? What was it again?

There was that stupid 'security' she'd set up when she caged herself in here. Pointing all the mirrors at her self, like she was the whole problem with the situation. He'd tell her to turn it off.

Then again… _Dear Ancestors, this is gonna be harder than I thought._

Lennah looked out over the sea as a summer storm raised tension in her waves and washed everything in grey. The sun was cut off and the stifling air prophesied a deluge soon.

_You can't hide out here forever._ She gripped the rail to deny it. The thin robe billowed in the gusts and she wracked her mind for some course of action. The cold rain started and she was forced to take cover before what was white became transparent.

She found him staring at the remnants of her fort, blankets strewn and pillows flung about. He turned to look at her and she froze. He really was _that _scary.

Ronon raised an arm to point at her desk. "Turn it off." Lennah crossed to her desk as she tied the robe closed. She drew the shutdown process out as he wandered around her room.

_Think, child!!_ She scolded herself as she disabled all Bluetooth options and set her preferences to her usual. _Suggest a movie? Read a book and ignore him? Apologize? Talk about it and get it out of the way?_ The last seemed like the best course of action. _Clear the air and pray to GOD…_

"_You pushed me away."_

_Pray to God what?_ _MORE fool ideas, Colare? Think he'll ever touch you, look at you again? Haven't you caused him enough hurt?_

"_You gave 'em what they wanted."_

She rose angrily, slamming her junk drawer shut after grabbing the screwdriver. Lennah climbed up on the edge of her desk and started unscrewing the camera on the wall.

"_Cut yourself off from people who could help you."_

_Think if you say 'my bad' enough he'll forgive you? You caused him as much hurt as you caused yourself. He's not going to forgive you that easy._ _But you really are making it easy for him, trussed up like a hussy. Like you knew he was coming…_

But she had. They'd always been aware of each other's locations and moods regardless of proximity. Tests showed it, analysts knew it. She'd bet anything that Price wouldn't answer her if she asked.

Thunder rocked the world. Lennah's hand slipped and she banged her finger. She jerked back with a curse and tottered. Dex pulled her down before she hurt herself.

"You should know better…" but the words left his brain as soon as her scent hit. _I really should know better._

His arm was around her waist from setting her on her feet, her back against him. She was frozen, muscles bunched and tense with her hands on his arm.

It was raining. Very little air moved through the open door. It was so quiet. They were in their own little world. If she wanted, she could turn into him and he'd kiss her back. Lennah felt her head start to turn. She _willed_ her neck to reverse its motion.

"You think too much." Ronon spun her into the wall and dove in.

Whatever she'd been thinking about flew out the window as Ronon broke down her doors and walls and left her open to nothing but him.

It was like breaking the surface and drowning at once. Lightning in the brain, thunder in the ears.

Lennah had legs but they were M.I.A. Her arms clung to him just to stay upright. She had lips and teeth and a tongue but he had all that and hands. He pulled apart her robe and roved.

Lennah was sure that the wall had caved in behind her for all the G's her head was pulling. Then his hands slid all the way down her back to hike up her hips.

Their lips broke away and they gasped for air. Leveled against the wall, she looked down at him. Colare took due note of her hands in his hair, the tilt of her hips in his hands, and her legs wrapped around him. _Was this it? Was this that moment?_

Ronon looked up at the hair falling across her face, the feral look in her eyes, and the pulse at her neck. One corner of her mouth slid up and she cupped his smooth face, tilting it up towards her. He was there. Not just in body but in her head. She knew how he thought and she knew that he wouldn't be here if he didn't want to be. He looked at her and she could see his affection in his eyes. He smiled at her and cocked his head. She chuckled and covered his mouth with hers.

Then the wall wasn't at her back anymore but she didn't care enough to open her eyes until she fell to the blankets. He supported her neck in the crook of his arm and his other hand slid the satin to her stomach.

"Oh!" Everything stopped. She looked up at him shaking. "I need you to lead."

He touched his forehead to hers. "I know." His voice wavered. He started from her knee this time, slower.


	15. Chapter 15

She woke from a hard sleep. Skin on skin and arms around her kept her from opening her eyes. Lennah felt like a child. She felt like nothing could ever be wrong again with the surety that can only be felt by someone under the age of ten. She half expected to see the non-descript white walls of government housing when she opened her eyes. But she knew the whole city of Atlantis was lying open for her. _Feels like home._

She made him feel like a child. They way he'd felt about his primary teacher. He was humbled by what she'd given him and wanted nothing more than to earn her approval, to read every inch of skin as worshipfully as he had his first primer.

The air hung and it still rained when Lennah opened her eyes. They'd left the balcony door open but all she could smell was him. The clock on her desk said several hours had passed, making it dinner time. That was why she'd woken. _Food, _she sighed.

She felt his slow, steady breathing at her back and little else. Everything was tangled and she had no idea where to start without waking him.

Ronon had expected her to sleep more than two hours. He wanted her to rest while he went for supplies.

Lightning struck one of the many rods that topped the towers of Atlantis. The resonating thunder sounded like a cannon and they could feel the vibrations as the city trembled. She froze and he smiled. He growled in her ear as he tightened his grip on her.

"The storm scare you?" He whispered.

She melted into a puddle at his voice. "Just wondering if it woke the neighbors."

"What, like you did?" She stretched and he moved to a better viewing angle.

She snickered and giggled. "Shuddup."

"Not complaining." He kissed her shoulder. "You can sing—Was that your stomach?"

"Yup. Obey its command."

"Hail to the chief." He planted a wet, sloppy kiss on her cheek and jumped off the floor. She rolled onto her stomach to watch him dress. He started toward the door and she snickered. His back and arms were marked with angry little lines.

"What?"

"You need a shirt." She found the long sleeve shirt under the bed. Lennah held it over herself as she walked toward him. The possessive look he gave was epic and it clenched in her belly.

"Close your eyes and hold out your hands." He complied with a grin and she helped him into his shirt. He kissed her cheek as his head reappeared. There was a soft thunk as something inside her chest fell. Her eyes closed and she could feel his on her.

"Go back to bed." He pulled her hands off his shirt. _Food first._ "Don't open this door for anyone but me. No matter who it is." Her face was flushed. He held her chin up and she bit her lower lip. _Food. _"No matter who it is."

She heard the door snap shut and opened her eyes. A lump rose in her throat and her eyes flooded. She scoffed and laughed it off before checking the lock on the door. God forbid somebody waltz in on her current state.

Curiosity led her to the bathroom mirror and she took stock of her own marks.

**

Sheppard had been in the Mess Hall for an hour. He was supposed to be meeting Ronon and Lennah for dinner. Their tardiness wasn't doing anything good for his attitude and it was too much to hope… _Who the hell is whistling the 'Imperial March'?_

John turned in his seat to see Ronon enter the Mess Hall in quite the chipper mood. "Well, I'll be damned."

Dex grabbed a tray and loaded up as only he could, whistling away. The whole cafeteria stared. Sheppard snorted and made a B-line to the pantry.

Ronon was oblivious either by choice or blind dedication. _Jello, mashed potatoes, roll, jello, gravy. Okay, good enough for now._

"Heads up."

Dex caught the can John threw at him. His grin broadened when he recognized it.

"Try it." John smiled rakishly. "Works great."

Ronon nodded to Sheppard and spun the can. The maturity of the cafeteria crashed and burned loudly as Dex left.

**

Lennah lay snuggled in blankets but was far from sleepy. She looked at the clock but only minutes had passed since she last checked it.

There was no other way to put it. She was a mess. A wreck. A fiasco of dynamic proportions. There was elation. There was an appetite. There was fear. There was euphoria.

There was a knock at the door.

"Colare?" It was Sheppard. "We need to talk."

She flopped back onto her pillows with disappointment. "Go away."

That seemed to make him pause. "We need to talk." He insisted again.

"Ronon's in the cafeteria. Go talk to him." She reached for her robe in case Ro decided to let him in. It wouldn't hide the marks on her neck. That sent a little surge of pleasure through her.

He rapped on the door again. "This is serious." He was loosing his patience. That was good. "Colare?"

She leaned on the doorframe and sighed. "Go be serious with Dex, fly-boy." Lennah faltered. Sheppard was her boss and she was already in enough stink with him. She wanted to apologize but she was going to do exactly what Ronon said. It usually worked out soo nice. A moment passed. "John?" She considered opening the door to check the hallway and spent a moment weighing the options.

A thud hit the door and she jumped away from it. "Lennah, open up, it's me."

"Ro?" She practically laughed.

"Who else? Open up."

She waved the door open and smiled. "Missed you."

"Missed you too." He smirked and set the tray on the desk.

"Not you, the food." Lennah bit into a green bean.

He scoffed at that and licked the spoon he pulled out of the mashed potatoes.

"Did you see Sheppard?" She asked as she snatched the one utensil out of his hand.

"Yeah." He cocked his head at her. "Why?"

"He stopped by while you were gone. Wanted to talk to me." Lennah hummed at the taste of food.

"Really?"

"Yeah, what'd he say?" She smiled up at him but something in his expression made her pause.

"John was in the cafeteria." He regretted having to tell her but she needed to know. "We had plans to eat with him for dinner. He was waiting there when I showed up. He was still there when I left."

Lennah nodded as she considered what that meant. She wanted to freak out and she felt herself sliding that way.

"What are you thinking?" He flicked his dreads to the side as he crouched next to her. She laid a hand on his face.

"I think that we're getting to him." She smiled and shook off tears. "I think that we should tell Sheppard somebody wants to be him and then enjoy our meal. What do you think?"

"I think that's a good idea." He plopped the can of whipped cream on her desk and enjoyed her look of scandalized shock.

"Oh my God." She gapped and laughed. He pounced her out of her chair to the floor and grabbed a bite of her.


	16. Chapter 16

Lennah laid on her bed in a mild doze. Her hair was taking forever to dry. A weight shifted the mattress and she opened one eye. Ro stood over her with one knee on the bed and that look in his eye.

She put a foot on his wet chest. "No." He leaned into it and she pressed harder, what little strength her legs still had.

"Why?"

"Cuz."

He flung her foot aside and crouched over her. "Why?" He was trying really hard to seduce her.

He was really good at it. "We need to go out."

He laughed. "You can't."

She opened her eyes. "Why did Sheppard have you stay with me instead of Teyla?" He backed away. "And so conveniently prepared, too. Not that I'm ungrateful. I sure as hell wasn't expecting THAT kind of company."

He retreated. "Sheppard figured this guy would think—"

"Exactly." She stood and adjusted her towel. "We need to give him something to think about."

_Laundry._ Dex would deny its necessity, considering his limited interest in her clothes, but things still had to be done. _And each moment out there you're vulnerable to attack._ She shook her head and wiggled into some underwear. _Think positive. Don't play the mind games on yourself._

She jumped into her favorite jeans and focused on what she could do. _Laugh, smile. Not hard_. She grinned. _Be sexy._ _Have fun. Talk like Price or Maria. Be loose._

Lennah turned to Ronon in baggy, ripped jeans and a lacy bra. He sat on the edge of the bed, gripping the mattress. She raised an eyebrow at his pained expression. "What shirt should I wear?"

He groaned and flopped back on the bed with his hands over his face.

Apparently she was really good at it, already.

A part of her wanted to see if John would actually allow her to leave her room. It was bad enough being stuck on one planet. _Not that I've noticed the last three months… or the last three days…_

Colare and Dex took up seats as they waited for Sheppard and Emmaggan. Something told her that their public appearance was big news.

Dex leaned into her ear as he tucked her hair back. "Does it seem to you like everyone has a camera?" He touched his head to hers as he spoke.

Lennah looked around and saw that it was true for the most part. _Great… I'm single-handedly responsible for creating the Atlantis Paparazzi._

"I think they're waiting for us to loose control." She faced him and smiled. "This is a valuable photo-opportunity." Lennah reached up and tugged on one of his dreads.

He jumped out of his seat with a snarl. She kicked back but he prevented her escape. Dex crouched over her as she leaned back. Neither moved. Then Lennah eased forward and gently kissed him. He growled low and pulled her to the edge of her seat. Her smile broadened and she bit her lip. Ro smiled and pecked her cheek before walking over to grab a tray.

There was that flop in her chest again. She beamed at his back and knew she was blushing horribly. Lennah shook her head and covered her mouth with her fist.

"Having fun?" Sheppard and Teyla walked up and plopped down, both wearing huge smiles.

Lennah inclined her head with a smile. "A little." She shared a look with Teyla. "Are you going to send me to my room?"

Sheppard chuckled and leaned back on two legs. "Maybe next time. You two could use the fresh air."

Lennah retaliated. "How about you two? Getting enough… fresh air?" Not even Dex knew if those two were anything more than friends.

Teyla nodded happily but Sheppard gave Colare a dark look.

"You know, Shep." Colare leaned forward and he did the same. "It would be interesting to know if the fan club was jealous of my attention or out to get all ET-kind. You two go public and we can see if it's genuine prejudice or an excuse to get at me, specifically."

Teyla nodded. "Some of my people have expressed distress that I should choose a mate outside of the tribe. But I have found that their gainsaying is of a more selfish nature." Teyla clasped her offered hand and showed her thankfulness that someone understood. Regardless of what was actually going on between herself and Sheppard, it was difficult to put up with people's prejudices.

"I'm sure there are some that would love to see an alliance between Atlantis and Athos." Lennah grinned cheekily at Sheppard.

"I agree." Ronon said as he came up behind Lennah. He set the tray down and tilted her chair back to kiss her.

"Okay, enough, Spiderman." Sheppard waved his hand at the starry eyed pair. "You're making me look bad."

The group chuckled. "Well, you'd better keep up then." Ronon wrapped an arm around the back of Lennah's chair. She looked up at him and they locked eyes. Like every time, it was turbo-charged.

"May we join you?" McKay asked as he and Keller took up two chairs. Both were smiling.

"Oh, God. Another one." Sheppard leaned on the table.

McKay turned to Teyla. "What's he talking about?"

"John suffers from the competition evoked by Ronon and Lennah as well as yourself and Jennifer."

McKay smiled. "I like it!" He turned to Lennah. "What's it mean?"

Colare chuckled. "He's having trouble keeping up in the PDA department."

McKay turned to Sheppard. "Really?" He was confused on many points. "PDA with who?"

Lennah jumped in before Teyla spoke. "PDA in general."

"Ah! Mr. Lonely Heart, then, is it?" McKay pulled Jennifer closer. "How's that going for you?"

"Knock it off, McKay." John mocked with a forced smile.

"What about Laryn?" Jennifer asked. "Any word from her?"

"No, no news from the Travelers. If they need us, they'll call."

Rodney waited a beat. "So, no booty calls, then?" The table laughed again. Sheppard shook his head. Teyla elbowed him and gave him a look: 'it _was_ funny.'

"You don't even know what he was talking about." John smiled.

"Yes. I do." Teyla swatted at him. "Lennah, what is a booty call?"

"A casual sexual proposition."

"See? I know what a booty call is."

"Yeah, good save there." John smiled at her. Nothing beyond a deep friendship could be surmised from the moment of eye contact. If they were more, they were masters of deception.

"Nicely put, Colare." Jennifer nodded at her. "In medical school, they called it a Strange-Bang. Because you were banging a stranger."

McKay turned to her. "It's like Poe." She slapped his shoulder.

"Hey." Ronon offered her a spoonful of whipped cream and jello. Then he tipped back her chair and had a taste.

McKay frowned at Jennifer and shook his head, feebly flexing his arm. "Tennis shoulder."

"You don't play tennis, Rodney."

"Oh my, you are absolutely right." He moved in smoothly for a soft peck.

Lennah re-appeared at the table.

"There's that cat that got the cream." Jennifer called out. "You getting enough calcium, Colare?"

"Oh, yes, Dr." Lennah shook her head with amusement.

"There's enough sexual energy at this table to run a generator!"

"What kind of generator? Naquada? Gas? Hand-crank?" Rodney did some calculations.

"A generator." Sheppard repeated testily. "Between the four of you—"

"Ah, ah, ah!" Rodney held up his correcting finger. "All six of us. We each have a measurable amount of sexual energy, it's simply a matter of whether or not each is expending it."

Lennah coughed. "Hand-crank!" Jennifer snorted and covered her mouth. Ronon chuckled.

"Gesundheit." McKay didn't break stride. "As I was saying, potential energy as to kinetic energy."

"McKay." Teyla shook her head with a smile.

"Thank you, Teyla." John nodded at her before sending Colare a black look. Lennah was unapologetic.

"Play nice." Ronon pulled her into range of his teeth and growled.

"Colare, we haven't seen you in a while, what have you been up to?" McKay asked eagerly.

It got pretty quiet suddenly. The mood falling from jovial to tense.

"I've been keeping her busy." Ronon inclined his head.

"Got that right!" John laughed. Teyla sent him a quelling look. She turned to talk with Jennifer about something.

Lennah studied her hands, no longer in such a festive mood. Ro kissed her forehead and that got a smile. She leaned into his shoulder. McKay was staring at her so she whispered in Ronon's ear and went to get a tray.

Jennifer watched Ronon as he watched Lennah leave. Both Teyla and Sheppard were watching her too. It wasn't so much casual observance as concern, as though something might jump out and attack Colare at any time. Keller didn't say anything at the moment, she'd get more information if she asked Sheppard or Teyla alone.

Ronon turned back around and watched Teyla's wary guard. She'd say if there was anything wrong.

Lennah picked at anything green along the way.

"That's an interesting salad."

Colare looked up to see Steve Connor. She smiled and glanced at her tray: lettuce, green pepper, and cucumber. She grabbed a handful of cherry tomatoes.

"Wait until I stir in the jello and whipped cream."

Connor smiled. "It all goes in the blender anyway."

The line progressed a bit further and she looked at Steve's reflection in the glass. _Could he be the guy?_

"I know you've been busy but I had some ideas about SocNet I'd like to run by you."

Lennah looked up at him and nodded. "I'm grounded but I'll see if I can distract the watchdogs long enough to come by."

"Grounded?" Steve grinned.

_Did I say too much?_ "Figure of speech." Lennah chuckled. "I'm more comfortable with 'grounded' than 'on a short leash'." She tossed her head at the table waiting for her.

Connor nodded. "Better a short leash than no leash at all." He winked.

She inclined her head. "A very nice short leash."

Steve turned to leave. "Then I'll give you some space." He pumped his eyebrows like a Marx brother.

Colare shook her head and headed to her seat. Ronon kicked her seat out for her and looked very relieved to have her back. Lennah sat down and tugged at his necklace. She was inclined to take her time teasing him.

"Every time?" She heard Sheppard. "Seriously?"

The two both turned to glare at John. "Old man." Ronon teased.

"Jealous." Lennah shrugged.

"Not. Neither." He said to each of them in turn. "I just think it's a little excessive."

Lennah shook her head. "Stop giving me ideas. I'm an impressionable youth, sir."

John's eyes narrowed. "Watch it. I can take away your privileges."

Ro and Lennah looked at each other.

"I believe him." Lennah shook her head.

"You would." He scoffed.

"I just think we should be careful."

"What are you thinking?"

She scooped a dab of whipped cream off his jello. He grabbed her hand and stuck her finger in his mouth.

They stood and he took her tray. "See ya." He said to those remaining.

"Bye, Lennah!" Jennifer called. Colare turned to wave and Ronon smacked her butt. She yelped and hurried along leaving the whole table laughing.


	17. Chapter 17

She was dreaming in the slow waking from a deep sleep. She only caught images, flashes of what was going on. There was a sense of this world in her dream. She could smell the pine and peat of the forest floor. She could vaguely feel the sun on her skin. Opening her eyes was a struggle. She wanted to see this place around her but she had to fight to open her eyes.

Her first thought of course was 'where am I?' followed by the seeping of consciousness to all her limbs. She was holding something in her hand but was more concerned with her surroundings.

She was standing in the woods she'd dreamed about. There they stood around her. The moss grew on the trees and they gripped the soil deep into the earth under the peat surface that carpeted the forest floor under her feet. Her boots were caked with mud and leaves. The mud went all the way up the knees of her pants and her side where she'd tumbled to the ground.

Her knees ached. Her back was stiff and sore and her right arm twinged as she raised it. There was mud all down her arm and on the scrap of cloth she held in her hand. It was a very familiar blue. There was a very clear presence of blood.

In seeing this object, realizing but incapable of remembering it's importance or how on Earth she'd ended up here all came ballooning into a deep state of fear and panic. She moved a step and groaned at the stiffness of her legs. She had no idea how long she'd stood there in a trance but knew it had been hours. Another step forward and she increased in speed. As she moved the ache receded and the blinding terror calmed a little. The indefinable feeling that someone was watching and, more over, hunting her was inescapable and she looked over her shoulder often.

Night came and she had no choice but to huddle in the large arms of a tree. Sleep was fleeting but somehow the night passed quickly. Every brush of leaves, every call of beast and bird, every sound of the forest was the enemy on approach. Camping with the family, nights under the stars both familiar and unfamiliar were all for nothing. She had no comfort here, no sense of security either in her ability to survive in the wild proven by practice or in her fallible memory.

She had no idea what had happened or how much time she'd lost. She had no idea where the gate was or if she was even… It was possible, given the bloody rag of the Air Force jacket, the fear that someone was chasing her as well as her own injuries, that she had killed someone. Her knuckles were cut and bruised and her abdomen was very sore. She'd definitely been in a fight. Whether or not it may have been in self-defense was unknown.

It was clear she couldn't trust just anyone in the uniform anymore. That meant she had to find Sheppard. He'd know how to deal with it. She climbed down from the tree wiping tears and kept moving.

She moved through the forest for three and a half days. Out of the woods, a strange noise grew louder and louder. A Puddle Jumper. She needed to find a clearing to signal for help. Anyone flying a Jumper had to be loyal to Sheppard… right? Maybe she could jump them when they came out to check it out and fly off with the Jumper. She had the gene.

The brush got thicker and thicker and she wished she had her machete but the best she could do was rip through it though her right arm didn't function properly.

Before she realized it she broke through the bramble and fell into soft grass. It was wonderfully soft and she could feel the bright sun on her back and knew the Puddle Jumper could see her because it hummed loudly nearby. There was a strange noise and then a voice called out. Someone was walking through the grass towards her.

"Do you need some help?" She didn't recognize the voice and wondered who it could be.

She chuckled and smiled into her arm before raising her head. She gave the gentleman a tired smile and noticed he'd just gotten out of his car. There was minor traffic on the rural highway and the cars whooshed by.

She could have laughed but considering the man's disturbed look as he looked over her injuries, it wasn't a good idea. She sat up and tried to dust off some of the dried mud. _It's no where near over yet. Gotta get home._

"Hello." She smiled again. She swallowed tears. "Would it be possible for you to take me to an emergency room?"

He seemed glad she wasn't in shock or hysterical. "There is a clinic nearby I can take you too. I have a cell, would you like to call someone?"

Lennah considered that but she may as well not call anyone until she knew more both about her condition as well as a bit more about the circumstances. She shook her head and they got in the car.

He tried to ask her name, incase she passed out from exhaustion but Lennah only smiled and pretended not to hear him. After that, he was more than happy to let the radio soothe the silence.

The man told the clinic receptionist the situation and they hurried her into examinations, which was a comfort because she really didn't know what to put on the paperwork.

"Can you tell me what happened?" the doctor asked as he shone a light in Lennah's eyes.

Colare shook her head and she felt her stomach turn. Nothing. Nothing had come back to her in the four days since she'd 'woken up'. The last thing she remembered was falling asleep on Ro while John, Jennifer, and Teyla watched a movie. She had no idea how she got back to Earth and she knew she couldn't tell the doctor all of this.

"Is there a military base nearby?"

"Were you on survival training? Is that what happened?"

"I have no idea. I'd like to call someone if that's okay."

"Just a minute. Can't you tell me anything about what happened or how you ended up in this state?"

Lennah just shook her head again.

"Can't or won't?"

"A bit of both. Could I make a phone call now?"

The doctor considered for a moment. He'd gotten his fair share of abuse victims in his office and that's what his gut told him. She was too calm about this as though tumbling out of the woods in the middle of nowhere was commonplace. He wanted every excuse to delay her return to her abuser to hopefully convince her to get help.

"Since you can't remember, I'd like to run a rape kit."

Her face paled and she felt her stomach drop heavily before rushing back. She was sick on the floor.


	18. Chapter 18

The Doctor stood at the light box and examined the x-rays. He wasn't an orthopedic surgeon but he could see a clear defensive fracture in her distal radial ulna and a tear in her biceps tendon probably from swinging a wild roundhouse or being spun roughly. But the greater part of her injuries were similar to a car crash survivor. The bits of glass he'd found in her cuts suggested it was the most probable occurrence but the injuries had already started healing. He'd put the actual accident at five days ago. Then the man that dropped her off said she'd popped out of the woods in the middle of nowhere. They were near enough an airbase where she could have been a downed pilot but she was dressed in civvies.

It would also explain her tight-lipped cooperation. The therapist he'd called in from the next parish made no headway on breaking down her 'blackout'. If she really couldn't remember anything than she was hindering her own recovery by refusing to give them any information.

When he'd staved off her phone call as long as he could he finally asked her not to make the call. "Please, don't misunderstand. I don't feel that you could benefit from calling him."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean… There are shelters and all kinds of help we could get you. A lot of families here would be glad to give you room and board so you don't have to go back."

She'd smiled so patronizingly. "The man I'm calling is a respected Air Force representative in Washington D.C. He and my father served in Nam together and harm is the last thing he'd wish me. There is no one on this planet—no one, I trust more."

She'd said it with such conviction and he believed her. She was quiet afterwards, nervous. The doctor returned the x-rays to the file and picked up his cold coffee.

"Excuse me, Doc. Name's Jack O'Neill. You got a friend of mine locked up here?"

The doctor turned to see the aging man in flannel waiting on his reply. He was at least in his 60s but his back was straight and his stance strong. The doctor tentatively offered his hand and gauged the firm handshake.

"Not exactly how I'd expect a D.C. man to dress. More over a general."

"How about you, Doc? Don't imagine they encouraged fly vests and wading boots in med school. Not that I blame you. How's my girl?"

The two were quickly talking lures between snippets of Lennah's medical report.

"Gotta tell you, General, this one's a funny one. Comes in with a broken arm and whiplash and a smile. I don't get that often. I just want to be sure she's going to be safe and looked after where ever she's going."

The General smiled and nodded his head. "I got a city's worth of people waiting by the phone for me to tell them we're on our way back. She'll be fine, Doc, don't worry about that."

He wanted to believe him but the men in black suits that confiscated all the copies of her records and blotted her name off every list did little to assure him.

. . .

Lennah held her bag of cut up and filthy clothes as she sat in the front seat. She was wearing a set of white pajamas the therapist had given her. It was supposed to bond them but it just made her feel one step closer to the loony bin.

They were quiet for a while as Jack drove. The second black SUV following closely behind. Jack handed her a Gatorade and ho-hos. Better than Mom's care package. She could tell from the road signs they were getting quite close to Cheyenne Mountain.

"Jack?" she asked as they started down the road after filling up. NORAD was fifteen minutes away.

"Yes, Colare?" He replied.

"Am I in trouble?"

"You're okay." He looked over at her. "I got your back."

She smiled and tears flooded and spilled over_._ "Dad always said you would." She covered her face and got herself back in order as they pulled up to the front gate.

People kind of looked at her. Security and anyone they passed in the halls as they made their way from one elevator to the next to Level 27. She'd seen herself in the polished metal of one of the cabinets in the Doctor's office. She had bruises, a fading black eye, and cuts in addition to the cast and scabbed over knuckles.

Lennah wondered if they knew more about what happened than she did.

Jack looked at her as they stepped up to the Observance room where he'd debriefed and been debriefed so many times: most routine, some infuriating and often hopeless. But so many good times. He put a hand on her shoulder and nodded. Quite suddenly he pulled her in for a quick squeeze and then opened the door and pushed her in.


	19. Chapter 19

Ro was pacing. Sheppard sprawled in a chair massaging his right temple. Teyla and Jennifer shared glances as they watched everyone. McKay tapped a frenzied beat on the table as he pretended to read a file. Jennifer felt her leg bouncing in time with it under the table.

Finally the door opened and Lennah rushed in with Jack right behind her.

The room went silent and it seemed like all the air was sucked out in a sudden rush of wind. Then Ronon broke the stillness, rushing to her and hugging her so tightly her feet dangled in the air. Her arms were around him and she loved the pounding of her heart on his. Teyla joined the hug and Sheppard touched his head to hers. Lennah looked up to see McKay and Keller beside her. Rodney's hand patted her shoulder and Jennifer smoothed her hair.

"We were so worried about you!" Jennifer sniffled and wove her hand in Rodney's as he comforted her.

Ronon's voice was in her ear and she felt it in her gut. "Don't ever do that again." She cradled his face and rested her forehead on his. There was a bandage on his temple.

"What happened?" She asked him.

"Well, we caught up with him outside Francis and we think he was headed to—"

"What? Who?"

They all looked at her. "What do you mean 'who?' The guy that stuffed you in his trunk!" McKay breathed out.

She remembered a little of it then, the way one remembers a deja-vous. The dark that swallowed her and held her captive for hours. Ro put her back on the ground and Keller put a hand to her forehead.

"Sit her down." Someone poured her a cup of water. "Sip and breathe slowly."

"I'm good. I just—I just couldn't remember what happened. The last thing I remember was falling asleep during Jurassic Park."

"What's the first thing you remember?" Keller was looking through her medical file when Lennah looked up at her.

"I… 'woke up' standing in the woods." She recalled it like a bad dream. "I didn't even know I was on Earth until three and a half days later." They all shared quiet looks that said something beyond her. That disturbed her more than anything. "Please. I need to know what happened." She looked to Sheppard and implored him. "I think I killed someone."

Sheppard seemed to relax a little and he leaned back in his chair. "Damn near did." He smiled and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Do you remember getting leave?"

"Yeah."

"That was six days ago."

"But that was movie night…" Realization dawned.

"Exactly."

"I was taking Ro to see the farm. Mom was gonna be nutty."

"She doesn't know… about how you were missing. We didn't want to tell her you…"

"Good." Lennah looked at him sternly. "She doesn't need that again. She nearly lost it when Dad was MIA."

"So you and Dex went on leave and rented a car. You were driving south on the 25 when you stopped at a gas station. You went in to pay after you showed Ronon how to pump. After a little while he joined you inside and—" He struggled for a moment first gauging her then considering. "Someone tampered with your car. They knew what they were doing. You continued down the road for about ten minutes when Ronon lost control. It's likely the brake lines were cut but the steering column looks like it was messed with too.

"There was a turn in the road and he couldn't brake. You went off the road into the trees. Thankfully there was a rise off the road or your injuries would have been worse. Ronon was knocked out. A road crew saw the whole thing. A car pulled over shortly after the accident as you were wrenching the driver side door open. He came up behind you. He grabbed you and you fought like hell. But there was no way you could have over powered him."

"The road crew was on the median. They could not safely cross to assist you before he forced you into the trunk of his vehicle." Teyla nodded, taking comfort and hoping to give it in the attempt at intervention by strangers.

"We were an hour behind him. Ronon came around just before we arrived on the scene. His injuries were minor but there was a lot of blood on your side of the car."

"Head wounds." Keller shrugged as she gestured at Lennah's right temple. A two-inch laceration had needed 50 stitches. "Heavy bleeders. But we didn't know that and thought the worst."

Lennah looked to Ro at her side and hooked her foot around his under the table. He stroked her hair as she turned to Shep for him to continue.

"We don't know exactly how long you were in the trunk of his car."

"But it's probable it was between six and seven hours." McKay jumped in. "As soon as we realized you were missing I started the stopwatch on my wristwatch. The first 48 are crucial if we hoped to find you… well, at all."

Ronon smiled. "You should have heard him. He ticked off the seconds on that thing when he didn't like how we were doing things." He said it warmly as he highlighted McKay's regard and concern for her.

Rodney flinched. "Doesn't mean you didn't try to kill me with it."

"I may have threatened to choke him with it." Ro's eyes twinkled. No remnant of the soulless emptiness that swallowed him was left. After the time had run out, his worst fears loomed.

"We caught up with him in Duchesne. He evaded us and headed North toward Price when we caught up with him again on the 35 headed North out of Francis. He had some visible marks from a fight, we could tell that much in the following high-speed chase. But as you were presumed in the trunk, we couldn't drive him off the road or allow any damage to the vehicle. He led us on a wild goose chase for a while. We lost him in Nevada as there were some paperwork problems with our air support."

"I ended up coming out of the wilderness on Mill Hollow Rd. in the Uinta National Forest."

"From what you've said about walking for four days, it's possible he stopped the car on the 35 before we caught up with him again and opened the trunk only to get a gut full of wildcat." He paused, waiting to see if she found any of this familiar.

Lennah thought for a moment but she could discern nothing but the bile taste on her tongue. "Did you get him thought? Who was it? He obviously was following us. Did he know who we were or was it some random attacker?"

"No, you—we all thought we knew him." Sheppard looked carefully at the table and Jennifer cleared her throat. She gave an imperceptible shake of her head.

Just then, a man in black burst through the door with one finger on his ear receiver. "We've got him. He's here. Guy drove up and was walking down the hall when security recognized him. His clearance was still valid."

Sheppard and Ronon were hurrying out the door. Lennah shot up and followed. Jennifer grabbed her arm but Colare jerked out of it. Keller started to speak but Lennah barked at her. "I need to know."

She followed them up the stairs and around corners as they jogged with the MiBs. Up ahead as they slowed to a brisk walk, Lennah could hear a familiar voice above the rest. The hysterical tone made it hard to identify.

"I still don't understand what's going on. I will go quietly once you tell me what's happening. Is this some kind of drill? A random test for parasites? I'm clean. I'm clean! You can't take my blood! It's mine!"

Sheppard walked up the tangle of people and smiled easily. "What's going on here soldier?"

"Oh, hello, sir. I don't know what the deal is these guys seem to think I'm a hostile. I've been in too many foxholes with you to be treated like one of the—one of them." Lennah peaked around shoulders and eased her way deeper into the crowd of people that had gathered. She moved slowly so Ro and Shep wouldn't see her coming.

Sheppard smiled again and shook his head. "You and I never were in any foxholes together."

"But, sir, every time we go off-world we're surrounded. How many times have we been on missions together?"

Sheppard was loosing his cool. "A handful of times, Major, and the were all easy runs. We were surrounded by friendlies! _THAT DOES NOT QUALIFY AS FOXHOLE!!"_

"But still, you never—"

She stood out starkly in white pajamas against BDUs and black suits and tac. She was surrounded but it was as though no one else was there. It was odd looking around at all the people trying to put the voice to a face. She passed him by the first time but did a double take when he saw her.

He took one look at her and exploded as if in agony. He sprung forward toward her and fell back quickly in the retaliating surge on the part of her protectors.


	20. The End

Lennah woke from a pleasant sleep and felt the familiar warm tangle of limbs. She knew she could quite comfortably stay there forever. But part of her wanted to wake Ro, even if for no other reason than to fall asleep together again. She made due with his arms around her as she stared up at the ceiling. Absently, Lennah stroked the back of his hand.

She poked at the darkness in her mind. Prodded it. With the slightest tug it fell like a tapestry before a door.

It had happened like they said. The windows were down and her hair was blowing in the wind as Ro drove. He did well and was careful. He'd panicked when he lost control They veered off the road and up the bank into a tree. She'd gotten out to help Ronon but the door was jammed. There was a crowbar in the trunk. But before she reached it she'd been grabbed from behind. She kicked and writhed but dropped into the trunk of another car.

As she'd sat there in the trunk, she had caught something he'd said as he'd closed the trunk.

"Why don't you die?" His eyes were saucers and his face a twisted mask.

She didn't know how long she was stuck. He weaved and wove and it was suffocating. She readied herself to spring an attack once the trunk opened.

Then finally, the trunk was flung open and she sprung out into bright night. He looked perfectly at ease until he swung the shovel. They tussled but he flung her around and she went sprawling into the woods.

"I was gonna make it quick and easy for you but this works for me!!" He shouted at the trees. "You're miles away from anywhere and no one will ever find your bones. They don't even know where you are!" He was bent over as he screamed. He seemed to falter in indecision but then he turned with the shovel and started poking into the darkness of the brush. He got closer and closer as he stabbed into the underbrush where she hid. She turned and fled, loudly stumbling over the vines and branches. He threw the shovel at her like a javelin and it narrowly missed her. She scrambled to her feet and vanished.

Ronon stirred at her side, pulling her into his chest. She put her head against him and listened to his heart and lungs as he sighed and hummed.

"How long have you been awake?" He whispered. They were twenty some odd levels underground in the soft light of a night lamp. Soft Bossa Nova guitar played from a small radio. Time was beyond identification.

"A while." Lennah sighed. She nuzzled further into him and settled. "I remember everything now."

"Yeah?" The interest in his voice had it going up in volume and the vibrations of it sent chills everywhere. He caressed her arm and felt the goose bumps.

"Yeah." Her voice softened as he continued to coax little shivers through her.

"That's good." Ro nosed into the crook of her neck and kissed the top of her shoulder.

"When did you come in?"

"Few hours ago." Ro could get by on three or four hours of sleep. He stepped his game up and his hands became vices.

Admittedly and without shame, she came very close to allowing him to continue. But she put her hand on his and turned her head.

"How far did they get?" He harrumphed and the whoosh tickled her ear.

He squeezed her and sighed. "They calmed him down. But that's about it. Guy was strung out on something. They had to allow him to sober up."

"How long will that take?"

"Not very, as Keller tells us. She's gonna try a bunch of stuff to hurry it up. Dialysis, hydration, stomach pump, something called an 'enema'… a few things."

"Ew."

"That's what McKay said."

"Ro?"

"Yeah."

"I wanna talk to him."

"Yeah."

"Please?" She looked up at him but couldn't see much in the soft light.

He inhaled and held it for a second before humming. "If you need to."

Lennah settled back into him. "Will you stay with me?"

He snorted a laugh. "Yes." He was emphatic.

"Ro?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think you would ever want to go on a road trip with me again?"

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure of it."

"You're not still thinking of making me go to my mother's."

"Yeah."

"Wouldn't you rather see the Grand Canyon?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Cause it's Thanksgiving. And you always talk about your Mom's cooking."

She laughed and relaxed. He held her tight and the tenor of the moment changed. Then he surrounded her and invaded. He didn't so much kiss her as swallow her soul and she didn't so much let him as return in kind.

Heat tapered off into a slow burn and they traded sensual advances with their hands in each other's hair. She was stunned into a pleasurable daze as he continued trailing lips and fingers.

"I want you to know."

"Uh-hmmm."

"It's kinda important."

"Hm-mmm."

He leaned his head on one elbow and traced lines down her cheek to her collar bone. "When you backed off."

Lennah waited. They both realized she was holding her breath.

"When it looked like you lost interest, I was approached."

"Yeah." Lennah nodded.

"I—I hoped… it was temporary." Ro kept going even though she wanted very much for him to stop. "This other woman. She came to me thinkin' we, you and I, were done." Lennah's stomach clenched. "I'll say she was trying to be persuasive. But I'd already made up my mind."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He paused. "I decided that no matter what made you change your mind about us, I was gonna convince you it wasn't over."

Lennah felt her chest swell and couldn't speak.

"If I couldn't do that… Then I just was meant to be alone."

"And when I came that night to talk to you, what were you thinking?"

"I was mad. I had… second thoughts."

"And what—what changed your mind?"

"I went back to Sheppard's after you'd left. I had more to say but you'd already gone. I walked in to hear Price and Sheppard going over the letters and the intel you'd collected. I heard a bit of the journal you kept. 'I'm not going to let this hurt them. It's my job to protect the ones I love. I cannot fail them. But I do wish I could lean on their understanding'. It was very similar to the feelings I had about protecting my people while they argued over how that should be done."

Lennah nodded but was silent.

"I want you to know you can tell me anything. You never have to fight anything without me. Or Shep or Teyla. We're a team and we work best as a team. Never forget that."

She nodded again and held his face as she spoke softly, conveying the intensity of her conviction with the passion in her voice. "You will never be alone." He could smell her tears and quickly found them with his lips. "Even without me, you have Shep and Teyla and you are never going to be alone again. And even without Shep and Teyla and the whole city of Atlantis, you will always have me, Ro."

"I will not be whole without you."

"That's kinda the point, I guess." And they chuckled..

In the soft light of the little room, hours may have passed but it seemed like forever and not enough. Lust had passed tentatively into something more they'd only just danced around. Words would only have scared it away. Suffice it to say they could not be parted easily now. The bonds had grown stronger and stronger just as the passing of time had solidified their little 'pack' into a cell, a unit both unstoppable and powerful. A pride.

These pillars stood against all things that would tear down their world. Together they supported their unified beliefs and each other, one's faults complimenting the others' and strengths compounded into one body of success. As they stood in unfamiliar territory of the SGC, it was loudly apparent how prominent they were. These walked as titans and moved almost with a telepathic sense of each other and additionally the primary target.

Everyone was in question. By this single fallacy of the system designed to keep them safe, everyone was doubted. Their priority was to discover how Marcus had hidden away his illness and, secondarily, how to prevent it from happening again.

He was sober now. And questioning had started but as one of their own, he knew all the techniques they'd attempt. He was as solid as a wall.

Lennah watched from the observance room as first Sheppard and then one of the SGC interrogators barraged him with insults, threats, sympathy, and negotiations they had no intention of honoring. There was no remnant of Marcus left. He was no longer easy-going and boisterous. He was battle hardened from a war only he had faced. There was trauma and wounds he hid and licked in private. And underlying everything was a raw hatred.

Not for himself, in guilt or shame. Not for his life, in self-pity or denial. But for her.

But why?

No one could ascertain this. It was his most guarded secret and only the presence of the threat itself could coax him out of his prison fortress.

Sheppard entered the room from the hallway where he'd gathered his frustrations and his fraying patience. He crossed to the coffee maker and rubbed his palm on his forehead.

Lennah looked up at him and he caught her look.

"Is it my turn yet?"

The room stilled as they each wondered what could happen, many probable scenarios running through each head but at the center of thought on each mind was the awareness that Colare was the center of gravity for this convoluted circling. If she moved closer to Marcus's obsessive revolution, his orbit would crumble and a direction could be followed. They had really no alternate, as Ronon's presence hadn't incited him. The key was absolutely Colare and they still felt the sting of her last horror.

Sheppard stared off into space and watched the proceedings from a distance. He nodded his head and set the ball in motion. Marcus was chained again, having been loosed to facilitate a bond, which had failed. All other items were removed from the room. The SGC personnel required that she be searched before entering the room. She agreed to it with out question. This man had recently tried to kill her and accomplished harassing her before that. Any sane person would want recompense.

Ro went with her of course. She couldn't have smiled at him otherwise. Marcus's pulse spiked and his blood pressure rose but he remained still as his face reddened. She sat across from him as Ro stood beside her.

"Who are you?" She quickly demanded.

"I am Major—"

"No, I'm asking who do you _think_ you are?" She leaned forward and he trembled. "What gives you the right to prevail yourself on me? You have no say in what I do or who I—… who I love."

The word seemed to do the trick. His head cocked to the side and his eye twitched. The pressure built to the boiling point and the release gauges flipped.

Marcus yelled obscenities and flung himself forward. Ro deflected the dive and carried Lennah out the door flung open by ready guards. He was quickly sedated and further restricted.

Analysis of his yelling showed he'd been saying things quite illuminating.

"He seems to feel that you are crucial in the fight against the evils of Pegasus." The Marine psychoanalyst pointed out.

"Then why did he try to kill me?"

"That is the determining factor." He continued, no elaboration. "His current belief system hinges on your death. But I don't believe it's intended to be you specifically, you just happened to trigger this reaction."

"Then who does he think he's killing?"

"Anyone that would stop him from bringing about the end to the Wraith."

Marcus's tongue was much freer now and he spoke at great length about his mission, 'The Call'. He quoted whole verses of foreign scripture from some nonexistent religious text. He was elaborate but nothing made sense. His delusion was profound enough to have the Marine psychoanalyst shaking his head in awe.

The most sense they got out of him was when he talked to Sheppard. He seemed to think Sheppard a man joined with him in the cause, similar enough to himself to understand.

Marcus rambled on and on and Sheppard stood there. Regardless of being the target of the speaker, he was no more a part in the process than a chair.

He only spoke again when he reentered the observance room. "That's just not right. For a good while there he sounded like—… talking about how it's fine for me to do as I like with the natives but it's our responsibility to prevent the females from acting inappropriately and hurting the cause."

McKay stabbed wildly into the much hated 'soft-science' "His focal point is the relationship between Ronon and Lennah. But I fail to see how that could tip the balance of the war on the Wraith. She's not an important figure—no offence—so anything she does really doesn't matter."

Lennah felt the resonance of an idea that held the ring of truth. "Not me. But what about Ronon. His… distraction from anything besides revenge against the Wraith… say his… attachment to me."

The analyst took up the line of thought. "To have lost the fire for revenge and found peace with someone so very alive who, moreover, reciprocates: this would indeed cool the flame hungering for the end of the Wraith."

"Just because I'm with Lennah doesn't mean I'm going to stop fighting. I have that much more to protect now."

"Yes, but Marcus doesn't see that. He sees the need to kill rather than to let be. He can't trust that people will grow and learn without his influence. He must act on what he believes in the most violent way possible. He is a man to be feared in the worst way possible. He is a man with faith in something terrible."

McKay had his moment of revelation. He franticly shook his hand and snapped his fingers. "What makes someone believe in something so beyond their current logic process that I could alter their brain waves and completely change the way they think?"

Sheppard shrugged a shoulder. "Beer?"

….

A team was dispatched to the planet but all they found was a burned out building. One of the village elders had gone batty and hidden relics in the mountain caves. He was easy enough to capture. Hephaestus was a slow man but they still didn't find the ark.

Marcus was put in a clinic under constant observation but it's not likely that he'd be able to recover without the original ark. McKay said it was as though someone had mashed the buttons and what came out was something between Ancestral worship and population control. Sheppard took volunteers for a team to camp out until it could be found.

The holiday with Mom was… interesting. She tried to talk with Ronon on just about everything but he was monosyllabic. But he beamed at her over a mountain of food and she blushed. She may have even developed a crush on him.

Another psyche eval was required. Mom wasn't too happy about her coming home beaten again. Lennah deflected with humor and sarcasm. Mother began to rely heavily on Ronon to try and talk sense to her. Lennah tried to get her to let Ro share her room but it was the couch or the porch or the nearest Motel 6.

They made up for it when they went out to see the sights. The county fair grounds held giant pumpkins and the state's best pies. Bundled in coats and sharing cotton candy, they strolled through the games and attractions. He didn't get the roller coasters. Why would people willingly get on the ride just to be thrown around and scream their heads off? It looked like riding in a Jumper with no internal dampners.

Lennah smiled and took his hand and pulled him toward it. "It's a lot like life."

"Shit happens?"

She laughed and handed over the tickets. "That's one way of looking at it." She pointed at the people getting off. Their hair was wild and they were flushed with excitement. Everyone was smiling. "Question is: is it a broken Jumper or a good ride?"

"Isn't that one about a cup of beer?"

"Half full?"

Ronon nodded. "As long as it's beer. Sheppard, of course."

"Of course."

"You do know what the real question is though..."

"What's that?"

"How am _I_ gonna fit in that little harness?"


End file.
